It would be helpful to consider that you may be committing many years to caring for someone whose needs may escalate way beyond anything you imagined (with examples of what this could entail—a whole new world you may never have known existed). It would be helpful to realize that you are not going to be able to “fix” everything for your care recipient—nor do they necessarily want you to. It would be helpful to understand how difficult it can be to try to see to all the physical, financial, social and emotional needs of someone who is losing their world (their physical capabilities and five senses, losing loved ones, losing their independence, leaving their home and way of life), all by yourself. Not possible and help is needed and ok!
How it can drag on for seemingly forever. Year six for me. How you can go into it feeling that you are going to save the day and in time you get so worn out, bitter and angry.
I was told, but didn’t listen. I was warned it would take over your life and negatively impact your health, but I I still got pulled in. I guess some things you have to learn for yourself.
That’s a very honest reflection. Many caregivers say they were warned how consuming it could become, but until you’re in the middle of it, it’s hard to truly understand what that means. Sometimes people step in because they care deeply, even knowing it may be difficult.
Caregiving can take more out of a person than they ever expected. Many people reach that point where they realize how much of their life and health it has affected. Thank you for sharing that honestly.
CareguideVB, I wished I had been told that I could say "no, I can't possibly do that" and not feel guilty. When I first started helping out my parents (they were in their 90's) I didn't set any boundaries. And it wasn't until later that I realized that my parents still viewed me as being 30 yrs old with a ton of energy, instead of me being in my late 60's feeling my age.
That is such an important point. Many caregivers don’t realize at first that boundaries are necessary, not selfish. Guilt can keep people overextending themselves, especially when loved ones still see them as having the same energy they had years ago.
That’s very true. Many caregivers carry everything themselves for a long time. Asking for help can feel difficult, and accepting help can sometimes feel even harder. But no one is meant to do caregiving completely alone.
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