My 81 year-old sister suffers bowel/bladder prolapse, Tourette's, COPD, and general debility; visit planned, many hours bus ride both ways.

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pronker Asked April 2, 2025

My 81 year-old sister suffers bowel/bladder prolapse, Tourette's, COPD, and general debility; visit planned, many hours bus ride both ways.

She is a fighter, former cowgirl and rodeo performer. Currently, she's in hospital to aid the bladder issue and states "I may be ready for long term care." I'm searching for advice on what to say to her. We've discussed prayers, frequent visits from her wonderful son, and so on. Perseverance is part of her Tourette's and she tells me frequently of ongoing pain following a kyphoplasty in January 2025. Life is beating her up.

Communication & Language Depression Mental Health

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score 2 · Answer 1

Good to see you again.

It really sounds like sis will need 24/7 when she goes home. And that kind of care can easily run into the hundreds of dollars per year. Sis’ dog had to be rehomed bc she couldn’t take care of it, and it does not sound like sis can care for herself.

In fact, she indicated that by stating she’s open to ltc.

So, i would help her explore that alternative.

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I'm thankful you answered. Her son considers moving the whole family closer to the rest of us, so instead of a twelve hour RTby bus to visit, it'll be a two and a half hour RT.

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score 1 · Answer 2

I learned that Sister will be released one week from now because her 100 days are up the very next day. She's trying very hard to walk well enough to care for herself in the hours that help isn't available, God bless her. She seems realistic that long-term care may yet happen, but she's doing her best to go home and stay home. :)

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score 1 · Answer 3

Pronker,
Thanks for this update on your Sis. So she DID enter in care, did she? I hope so, as that will take some of the burden from her loving son.

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Yes, and thanks for the input. She yesterday told me of 'you must make progress or it's long term care per your insurance' so today her PT involves a few steps. She laughed when reporting that her PT says 'if you can't straighten up, then just look at your toes and shuffle' so her sense of humor remains intact. We're all hoping she can return to where she wants to be, her home. Her little dog has been rehomed because his care grew beyond her ability. The new owner is a saint and sends photos of the dog to my sister's Frameo.

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score 2 · Answer 4

Encourage her in her own decisions.
Good to see you again, Pronker.

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Well hello there! It's nice to visit once again, AlvaDeer. Yes, she's stable and I'm thankful for that. We talk on the phone and laugh. Her decisions at this point seem to be "I'm content to be discontent" and "I'm bedridden" so there's limited ability to work these into a "good" decision, from my point of view, anyway. I'm able to respond "that's too bad" and "I know" to her repeated protestations of "why didn't the kyphoplasty this January get rid of the back pain" statements. The vertebra refractured, the MDs say they cannot work on that bone again, so it's painful. Her spirit pulls her through.

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score 2 · Answer 5

WOW! What a great fighter! 81 and still going! What to say to her I would say "You go Girl!" Say to her when she's ready and well she gets to go horse back riding! (She may never do it but you always give her hope). I bet she has scrapbooks of her days of performing! Show her pictures or make the scrapbook with her! I bet her son would love it! Know that a prayer has been said for you and your family! ((hugs))

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Thanks for replying and the prayers - yes, I'm the family archivist and have sent many photos to her from earlier, happier times. She's currently in a holding pattern; there's a Frameo which is a marvelous thing to keep in touch with and we all contribute to it.

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score 2 · Answer 6

It's good to see you again on this forum pronker. It's been a while for sure.
Since your sister seems ready for long term care, I would just discuss what those options look like for her in her area, and be as supportive as possible.
Ultimately the decision will be hers and all you can do is support whatever she decides on and continue to pray for her.
I'm sorry she's going through so much , but it sounds like she's quite the fighter, so I wouldn't count her out yet.
Enjoy your visit with her and be safe.

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Hello to you as well. This site proved rich in advice with Spouse so it's good to visit once more. Sister always described herself as a "physical person," so aging hits particularly hard. She is especially sensitive to noise and complained frequently about a screamer in her previous rehab back in February. She worked hard for seven weeks to get out of there, went home for three weeks and then more issues arose with a refracture of that pesky vertebra. Thanks for replying and best wishes!

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My 81 year-old sister suffers bowel/bladder prolapse, Tourette's, COPD, and general debility; visit planned, many hours bus ride both ways.

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