My husband has Alzheimer’s/dementia. I’ve signed him up for memory assisted living facility.

You have probably heard the statement that people with dementia don't get to make the decisions. Easily said, but very difficult to do when your spouse is controlling and abusive. I was there. My husband passed four months ago (congestive heart failure) about a month after my son suggested it was time for placement. I know he would have fought me every step of the way. Many folks here suggested that I should leave him for my own safety and I did have plans in place if I was in physical danger. But I lived with emotional / verbal abuse daily. It isn't easy, is it? I feel like I lost myself over the years and I am slowly stepping back into who I am. For your sake, I hope you are successful in getting him moved.

Please contact the memory care administrator and ask for their best ideas on how to best get your husband there. Never again discuss it with him, he cannot be reasoned with or make good decisions. The memory care place has experience with reluctant people with dementia and can help guide you. Do not feel bad about using whatever lies or services are necessary to accomplish this and most of all, do not give up. You matter too, and I wish you peace

Bring him like a doc appt, then leave.

You could go at lunch time, then go “to the ladies’ room”.

YOU matter, too. Not just the patient.

The patient does not get to make care decisions at this point. The patient with dementia has no power of reasoning any longer.

Yes, do what you need to to get him there. The staff will handle him once you leave. Then stay away for a while to acclimate him. He will be exit-seeking, so don't get alarmed when they tell you that. Find out what the arrangements are, whether they have a doctor available or if you need to arrange something, in case he needs medications to calm him down. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

I took my husband to MC 4 months ago. He never would have agreed to go, so it was never discussed with him. His reasoning power was long gone. My stepson was totally supportive.

when the day came, I told him he was going for physical therapy. When we got to the facility, the physical therapist plus the memory care coordinator and another caregiver got him out of the car and whisked him away. This was prearranged. They are totally accustomed to the need to do it swiftly and without fuss. Speak with them and make a plan. Follow through.

His room was ready for him. He accepted the move almost immediately because his memory of home was virtually gone. I was told I’d need to stay away a week to allow him to acclimate but it took less than 3 days before I was able to visit.

He almost never asks about home and forgets the conversation within minutes. I just agree that whatever he wants will happen tomorrow. That’s soon, so he accepts and promptly forgets.

He is so much safer (wandering) and actually happier. I think the new environment makes it easier for him to not realize all the things he used to do but no longer could do. It’s been a blessing for both of us. I love him dearly. He still loves me and is happy to see me.

good luck!

I read your replies . You can’t “ convince him this is best for all “
I would hire an ambulette transport to “ take him for an appointment “ . They will bring him to memory care. Tell him the car is broken , he has to take this ambulette for a “ Doctor appt”.
Stay away for at least a few days so he can get acclimated . Stay away longer if needed .
Good Luck .

I dropped mom off. Room was set up..clothes in drawers. Wallhangings up. Pictures on dresser. I explained this is your new apartment. She complained. She adjusted. Staff will help you with a plan. No one goes to MC willingly if they knew where they were headed..

I did not tell my Mom. Just took her. When we got there told her she was getting a new apartment and would be making friends. You may want to call the facility to see if they can help.

If you are his POA and your husband has dementia diagnosed then you will do this with the help of the facility itself. If you can't manage it any other way you will be paying an ambulance to deliver him, and this will of course need to be a locked facility.
I am very hard.
Ask your doctor for recommendations now, as well as hubby's doc will have forms to fill out for the facility as to his level of care needs.
Good luck.

I didn't ask my husband. I just brought him to the MC facility. My kids helped me to set up his room ahead of time. I stayed for a few hours and then said goodnight and told him I would see him the next day.