My father asked my sister how mom was. She died in June and my father was with her when she passed, I’m shocked he doesnt remember. My sister said she changed the subject, didn’t answer the question but he did not persist.
He hasn’t asked me, but I think I would remind him that she was gone. I don’t think I could lie about it.
My mother went thru this when she was in the later stages of dementia.....insisting on seeing her mother who had died in 1985. Mom had regressed in time back to when she was a young woman, and wanted to go go back home to be with her parents and siblings. This is very common with later stage dementia.
At first, I'd tell her therapeutic fibs that her mother was busy, or the phone was out of order. I didn't want her upset, repeatedly, about her mother's passing. Then one day I told her grandma was in Florida because it was too cold for her in Colo. Mom squinted her eyes and said, "YOU'RE FULL OF SH!T". So I told her grandma died in 1985. She said, "oh okay." And thst was that.
Tell mom the truth or devise therapeutic fibs. She'll keep asking you repeatedly, one way or another anyway.
Have you honestly answered the question at least once? Did it upset her? If she has asked, if the fact that So and So has died then " then you do not want to repeat the news. Particularly if it upset her. You can say... "Aunt Sophie is away right now" "Aunt Sophie is on a little trip" Anything that she will accept. Once you answer the question though redirect her or get her on the topic of what "Aunt Sophie" was like as a young girl, what things did they like to do.
You tell her that they're doing well(fiblet), that they're out of town visiting family/friends(fiblet), that they're at work and should be home soon(fiblet) or that you're not sure how they're doing as you haven't heard from them lately(truth mixed with fiblet).
Randolph61, welcome to the forum. I assume your Mom is believing this relative is still alive? If yes, sometimes we need to use "therapeutic fibs" in a case like this.
I remember back when my Mom (97) was asking to go visit her parents. I quickly had to think of something that Mom would believe, so I said "they are visiting the old country" and Mom smiled and said "that's nice", thus it made her feel happy. Then if Mom asked to see one of her siblings (all had passed), I had to once again think of something related to that sibling.
Some people will say tell them the truth, but I feel that they would grieve all over again, and again. In my opinion, let the rest of their time be as happy as possible.
Hello AlvaDeer, My mom is in stages of Dementia/Alzheimer’s. She is apparently reliving some childhood memories, continuing to ask and expect her mom to come pick her up. This is a daily occurrence, she cries when talking about it not understanding why her mom doesn’t call or come. She asks for her mother’s phone and address.
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He hasn’t asked me, but I think I would remind him that she was gone. I don’t think I could lie about it.
At first, I'd tell her therapeutic fibs that her mother was busy, or the phone was out of order. I didn't want her upset, repeatedly, about her mother's passing. Then one day I told her grandma was in Florida because it was too cold for her in Colo. Mom squinted her eyes and said, "YOU'RE FULL OF SH!T". So I told her grandma died in 1985. She said, "oh okay." And thst was that.
Tell mom the truth or devise therapeutic fibs. She'll keep asking you repeatedly, one way or another anyway.
Good luck to you.
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Did it upset her?
If she has asked, if the fact that So and So has died then " then you do not want to repeat the news. Particularly if it upset her.
You can say...
"Aunt Sophie is away right now"
"Aunt Sophie is on a little trip"
Anything that she will accept.
Once you answer the question though redirect her or get her on the topic of what "Aunt Sophie" was like as a young girl, what things did they like to do.
I remember back when my Mom (97) was asking to go visit her parents. I quickly had to think of something that Mom would believe, so I said "they are visiting the old country" and Mom smiled and said "that's nice", thus it made her feel happy. Then if Mom asked to see one of her siblings (all had passed), I had to once again think of something related to that sibling.
Some people will say tell them the truth, but I feel that they would grieve all over again, and again. In my opinion, let the rest of their time be as happy as possible.
My mom is in stages of Dementia/Alzheimer’s. She is apparently reliving some childhood memories, continuing to ask and expect her mom to come pick her up. This is a daily occurrence, she cries when talking about it not understanding why her mom doesn’t call or come. She asks for her mother’s phone and address.