When is it time to call it a day and realize this is all too much?

Does get to be too Much - it Maybe time for a Long term care facility . I Know when the Nurse told me " My Mom Needed 24 hour care and it was too Much for me . " A Great relief came Over me . I was sad and cried But I knew I couldn't do it anymore . She couldn't walk , was incontinent , not eating - I went to the senior center and asked them " which Facilities they thought were the best On Cape Cod ? " Called around, found One with a bed open , contacted the elder lawyers and had her Placed . Then I could visit her everyday for a couple Hours . Eventually I had to return to Boston after 6 Months Of being Mostly On Cape cod around Thanksgiving and got a call On Christmas . She was Brought to a Boston Hospital and Passed 2 weeks later .

I've been asking myself this for 15 years.

Yes, please get help, either in-home or in a facility. This is affecting your health, both physical and mental. You also don't want the time you have left together to be filled with resentment. Funkygrandma phrased it well below. Resolve for the new year to not carry this burden by yourself any longer. You deserve peace of mind and body.

Your asking the question says it all. It has clearly become too much for you. I hope that you are able to get the appropriate level of in-home support or get him placed into LTC. You deserve to have your life back.

You are well past the time to "call it a day" and are now to the point of needing to place your husband in the appropriate facility where you can get back to just being his loving wife and advocate and not his overwhelmed, burned out caregiver.
I wish you well in doing just that.

By the time one asks this question, you have your answer.

There are no comforting words for this level of burn out and exhaustion, Peg. It's time now to call it a day, admit that it's all too much, and get your husband placed in managed care.

It's time for you to care for yourself now, and to visit your husband as his wife instead of being his caregiver. You've gone above and beyond.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.