Since becoming a caregiver, what do you miss the most?

i miss the person that was. I am, with some assistance from my adult sons who have their own lives and families, the primary caregiver for my husband. We are both in our 80’s and have been married over 60 years. He was never much of a conversationalist but we did have a lot of interesting talks. Now, dementia has taken over and he understands very little and has a great deal of trouble expressing himself. I miss the little things like inside jokes we used to have, deciding what to have for dinner (it is always‘I don’t care”), commenting on or discussing current events, and so forth. When he insists on “helping’ it makes more work for me but I go along so he will feel useful.
He doesn’t even remember our children’s names and so I have to remind him and tell a little about each one before he says he remembers (but I wonder if he really does). I often feel like a widow with a 2 year old to take care of.
We no longer drive and I am not comfortable leaving him alone to go out with a friend unless it is for a very short time. He is unable to talk and express himself so he doesn’t want to have someone come in to keep him company for a while. But, at this time, that is not really the issue.
I guess I just miss the person I spent my whole life with, the life we shared, and I look at a shell of him and know he is never coming back. i just needed to vent and thank you for listening.