I am caring for my boyfriend of 30 years. I live with him in his house. He is very mean to me and yells and cusses at me all the time

Since you aren't married and still have your home in another state, feel lucky you have a place of peace that you can go to, and the freedom to go. Since you said he wasn't like this until he got sick, I understand your hesitation to leave. But I still encourage you to leave his home, and stop being his caregiver. His illness is no reason for you to take abuse. Don't feel guilty or let his daughters guilt you into staying. Your mental health is important.

Admittedly I'm in a mood today... You have another house in another state you can move to? Go.

He is abusing you because you allow it. Being sick does not give him the right to treat anyone this way. Call the daughters. Tell them you can't do it anymore. They will need to care for him, hire someone or place him. Give them till the first of the year to make other arrangements. Then start treating him like a "gray rock". Look it up. You ignore him, only do what you have to. When he gets abusive you stop what your doing and walk away. You don't talk to him.

Go. He obviously doesn’t care if you leave. He never cared enough to marry you.

I would definitely leave NOW. You do not deserve to be mistreated.

There is no way to make your situation tolerable other than to leave.
Make preparations to go and then do it.

If you're expecting and hoping he will die and thus make your life easier, forget it. You'd most likely have to move back to your own house then anyway, correct?

Go. Now.

Just Move and let the daughters take over , this is a No win situation .

Does he have Dementia. What illness is he duffering from? Does he have hospice?

Why on earth would you stay 30 LOOONG years with an abusive boyfriend.
And I am assuming that since he is BF not husband you have no protection when it comes to his assets or earnings.
And I am assuming that since you have been with him for 30 LOOONG years that your own financial future was impacted.
Who if anyone is POA?
Leave.
If he needs a caregiver you give him notice that you are leaving and if he has a POA (and needs one) inform that person you are leaving.
If no one is put in place the day you leave notify APS that there is a vulnerable senior that needs care.
The only suggestion that I have that will make your situation tolerable is to leave.
Please seek out a therapist. Leaving any relationship is difficult but leaving an abusive one is even more difficult due to the psychological damage that has been done. (and possibly physical although you did not mention that)

Can you tell me please why this decision to leave an abusive boyfriend whose entire family is "using you" is difficult for you? That is to say, why would leaving such a cruel person "tear you apart"? That seems to me not normal. Most of us flee abuse.

You say you are thinking of moving "into my house in another state".
Who currently is living in that other house of yours, and are you an owner of that other house in your own name?

You have a 30 year history here. Sometimes we form habits of back and forth mutually abusive behavior. You may need to consider some psychological therapy to find out why you are not wanting to leave an abusive situation. We as a Forum of strangers wouldn't have a clue about a three decades long relationship, I think.
I sure do wish you good luck. A new year often helps people make an evaluation of their life, and consider what they want from what life they have remaining. Best out to you.

I think you need to make yourself a list of what you get out of staying with BF. There must be some things beside a long habit. You have a house in another state, so it’s not as if you have nowhere to go. Send us the list, and perhaps we can be more help. Think through the list yourself, to help you decide whether or not it is worth staying. If the downside is only that he is ‘mean, yells and cusses all the time’, you may be able to ignore that if there are concrete things that work well for you.

Leave and then report him to APS. His daughters aren't obligated to be his solution, either. They can call in APS, too.

Go home. Life is too short for abuse and misuse. Thirty years is long enough to be enslaved to a situation where you are abused daily. Don't you think you deserve some happiness and peace of mind in your life? This man has eaten up thirty good years of your life.

Please learn to be kind to yourself.

No one deserves to be cussed out and called disrespectful names, most especially when they’re trying to help. He’s not changing after being this way for so long, unless it’s to worsen. You’re not obligated to stay and keep receiving verbal abuse. I hope you’ll decide to leave and seek peace on your own.

I would think you'd be more torn apart staying with your b/f and being so disrespected than leaving him and going back to your own home. Peace and quiet vs. cussing, name calling and yelling while you're doing back breaking caregiving! If, after 3 decades, this man hasn't married you, that says it all.

You may be sad at first but at least you won't be abused anymore or feeling obligated to care for a mean and ugly person who's so ungrateful. Get back to respecting yourself now and taking good care of YOU.

Good luck and Godspeed.

Audramoz, welcome to the forum. We need more information if you can give it, such as what are your boyfriend's medical issues that you've been caring for the past 30 years? Does he have dementia? How old is he? Why I ask as there is a big difference between someone who is 50 compared to 80.

Has he been recently tested for an urinary tract infection (UTI) as such an infection can make someone act very mean. A trip to his primary doctor or Urgent Care, they can perform the simple test, and sometimes have the results while you wait.

Over the years have you spoken with your boyfriend's doctor regarding his medical issues, and has the doctor given any recommendations, or pills to help calm him?