Any advice for getting parents to move back home from Florida?

My mother was in assisted living in Florida for about five years. She had a two-bedroom two-bath apartment with a screened porch. It would have served very well for three people such as your parents and your sister. Weekly housekeeping, 24-hour nurse, help with medical appointments and transportation, covered parking, entertainment. If your parents would sell their house, they could probably afford it, and you'd be off the hook for all of the above, at least for a while.

Moving them close to you sounds like a great idea until you actually have to do all those things for them. And by that time, there's no escape. You're like a rat trapped in a maze. Don't be the rat.

There really is never any way to get anyone to move somewhere just because you feel they would be better, safer and have more support. That's your opinion. Clearly they are chosing to remain where they are. You can suggest it; that's it. Then say "Well, if you change your mind, let me know, and we will hope I am still in a position to help you manage this move." That's it. You may eventually get "the call" that one of them is down and the other cannot give care. That will be, sadly, when you, if your sister is mentally incapacitated will have to make a decision as to whether you go there and try to find them placement in care, or whether you allow the state to assume guardianship and handle things.

I think the one thing you can do is make it clear by letter what you will NOT be able to do in these circumstances: As in
Dear Mom and Dad:
If anything happens to you now--and the recent catastrophe in your area proves--I cannot come to help you. If you expect our support in future you will have to move back home nearer to us. I will leave the choice of that to you, but understand I am helpless to help YOU from here.
Love, MountainGirl.

Best you can do. Then just give up on this and live your life. You will get "the call" soon enough and have to deal with it soon enough.

Assisted Living is cheaper in Florida than the north east ., maybe they would agree to that local move .
At least it gets them more help .
They wouldn’t be as isolated either , having a community of people their age to have meals with , activities , outings .

If they are mentally sound it’s their right to live where and as they please, even if it’s not the best place. The important part is being sure they have appointed someone trustable as POA for healthcare and financial decisions for the time when each of them cannot make sound decisions for themselves. Parents their ages should not name each other, but someone at least generation younger. If they refuse this and you cannot reason with them, you’re in the common club of “waiting for the event” an inevitable time when an event happens to one or both of them that will force change. No one enjoys waiting for it, but it will come. I wish you peace

Denmentia goes hand in hand with Parkinsons. Does anyone hold POA on your parents? Can u talk them into at least an AL down there?

Mountain, something to keep in mind…… should they leave FL to go back to the NE and they own a home in FL (so title is only in the parents names) AND they decide to keep the FL home as the mental issues Sister lives in the house, should they get to the point once back in the NE, that they need care in a facility and end up applying for LTC Medicaid to pay for their NH costs, that out of state home will be considered a nonexempt asset. As the FL home is nonexempt, they will be ineligible for your States LTC Medicaid for how most States administer their program. Which then dovetails into who in the family will private pay for their facility or have them live with them.

To retitle it to Sissy, unless it’s 5 years from now (end of 2029), the transfer will be considered gifting of an asset for most States. It places a transfer penalty. Stuff like this will surface. So please pls pls give the financial logistics on this some thought. Often parents just stay put and flat refuse to move away out as they want to provide that home for the living with them child.

I love snoopy too lol! Sister is probably more cognizant of issues at this point. She has an eating disorder and anxiety depression etc and basically doesn’t leave the house but does help them out. At this point they would have to wait to sell the house or rent but mom not budging. Yes it is tough thank you

Mountaingirl72: Unfortunately you may have to abide by their wishes.

Stubborn elders . I wish I knew the answer . We couldn’t get my FIL to put his foot down with his wife with dementia to move back either . He was letting her drive decisions . Then she died and we finally moved him back up north .
Does your Mom have dementia ? , that goes along with Parkinson’s often.

You’ll probably have to wait for an emergency to force a change , if Dad won’t put his foot down . Assisted Living in Florida is an option for your parents , but the adult child with them is another issue , where would she live ? Can she afford her own place ?

You need to find out for sure who is POA and he should live close to them. The POA may need to be updated. MetLife will not accept mine that my mom did in 1993. Everyone else has allowed it so far. If no relative lives close to be POA and assume all responsibilities, then that is a reason for them to move.