Hi,
A couple of weeks ago I posted about my 82 year old mother and my flourishing relationship with my wonderful partner.
At this time I am living with her. But my partner and I are moving towards marriage while also trying to navigate significant challenges with our current living situations.
This morning, my mother said she thinks he is just looking for someone to take care of him, and described him as a “decrepit old man” and she is on the outside looking in; “I know you’re attached to him but I’m not wrong.”She is wrong. I have been in this relationship for a year and this man has never showed me anything of the sort. He is bending over backwards to be in my life.
I literally just got up and walked out of the room, and I don’t know who else to vent to. I am on the verge of packing up my stuff and high-tailing it out of this house. I also am considering never talking to her or seeing her again.
Somebody-please help…
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Move out .
Then if Mom is not safe home alone call APS .
She has monopolized too many years of YOUR life .
It’s YOUR life , move out and live it .
Make your plans without her knowledge. If she insults your man, tell her she "sounds awful jealous." I wouldn't take the insults from someone I have done so much for, period. Of course she doesn't want to lose her care slave. TOO BAD!
It's very simple. People you do so much for should be doing the same for you in some form. Be it you have surgery and need help, or have a new relationship you are happy about, or a new pet you are thrilled with, or you lost weight and are proud of yourself. If the person (such as Mom) who has been given support and care by you, yet cannot (or won;t) return it, CUT THEM OFF. They never will. Their mind cannot comprehend true love, friendship and appreciation.
Life is too short to waste time and energy with selfish, jealous people. They know how much you have done for them, and their rude, face slap reactions are out of line. You BOTH KNOW THIS as adults.
Get yourself set up to get out of this prison of caregiving someone who does not appreciate you and your kindness. Do whatever it takes. Mom has had her life, her care slave, her way she wants. IT'S YOUR TURN.
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It's unfortunate that you have chosen to live with your mother. I suggest you move out and are on your OWN for a while before moving only for a relationship. That often is jumping from the frying pan to the fire.
You mention a small to-do with your mother that seems quite trivial to me; were you two not so enmeshed it would easily be walked away from with a simple "I will consider your advice mom". Living with ANYONE isn't a simple thing. Living with a partner, a spouse, a sibling, a parent, a child, even a roommate isn't easy.