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Oedgar23 Asked November 13, 2023

Really wish we could do assisted living.

<p class="userway-s14-active">So you know the back story of my 75 y.o. formerly estranged mother, her neck surgery, hoarded house. Where are we are at now is that she’s just about healed from her neck surgery.In the midst of all these she had two dental surgeries to get dentures. Her thoracic spine is hurting her a lot. MRI shows some degenerative changes but nothing super glaring. She does have osteoporosis. Her PCP has been feeding her pain pills long past when the surgeon stopped giving them. And I actually do think her pain is legitimate. It has slowed way down her usual activity of shopping. We are seeing pain management November 30. In the big city and I hate driving in the big city. I dread another round of this crap. So her house is better, but not good. She is no longer qualified for the Medicaid housekeeper because they figured out she had too much money in the bank after she started drawing Social Security on my deceased fathers benefits. So I have been her home care provider a couple of times per week in addition to managing her medical appointments. She messes the house up as fast as I can clean it. A while back, I toured a nice assisted-living, and they acted like she could get Medicaid and pay for a bed there. They have a few beds. I am doubtful of this. She can still do all of her basic ADLs. I don’t know how she would qualify for long-term care, Medicaid. She struggles with keeping house, grocery shopping is harder now that her pain is persisting. She has poor balance, but can walk.She can still prep simple meals. She has orthostatic low blood pressure episodes, and has fainted a couple of times. The most recent one she sprained her foot badly, and I am still providing extra assistance because of that. She was still driving before she hurt her foot. I guess my main worry is that what if we put her in assisted-living but the Medicaid for long-term care is not approved? What if we sell her house, which is in terrible condition and will not bring what about $75,000, and then that money runs out, but she still won’t qualify for long-term care Medicaid? 90% of the stress I feel from taking care of her is just dealing with her freaking house. If she was somewhere, clean and decent that did not reek of cigarettes and dirty house (thus making me reek of cigarettes and dirty house) I would have a lot less stress. We are in Texas, and the assisted living person told me they had one resident there on Medicaid, who was up and walking and doing their ADLs. And from what I read about qualifying for long-term care, Medicaid, I found this hard to believe.

Geaton777 Nov 13, 2023
See info at this site:

https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-eligibility-texas/#:~:text=Texas%20Medicaid%20Long%2DTerm%20Care%20Definition,-Medicaid%20is%20a&text=In%20addition%20to%20nursing%20home,remain%20living%20in%20their%20homes.

Source: American Council on Aging

JoAnn29 Nov 13, 2023
I would talk to a Medicaid caseworker face to face. Have all Moms financials available. See first if she would qualify for an AL voucher. Not all states allow them. Mine only after you have paid at least two years privately.

She is over 72 1/2 and needs to start drawing money from her IRA. Really, for that amount of money and what IRAs are receiving in interest, she may be better cashing it in and paying the taxes on the interest. I would talk to ur tax preparer or a CPA.

The house. If she is getting Medicaid or will be in next 5 years, the house needs to be sold at Market value. You'd be surprised what you can get for a house with just a little sprucing up. Paint helps alot. Carpets shampooed or replaced. Just getting new counters in the kitchen can change things. Some landscaping around the house. If she has vinyl/aluminum siding, you would be surprised what a good powerwashing will do. A realtor can help you.

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AlvaDeer Nov 13, 2023
Time to explore whether or not this is a possibility. The admission process should begin. That is AFTER she agrees to do this, because so far you are enabling her NOT to agree to it.
Thanks for your update; glad that at least the healing going well post op. Sounds like you are hanging in there.

sp196902 Nov 13, 2023
Make your mother pay for a house cleaning service a few days a week. Honestly you need to set boundaries and leave your mother to her own devices. It is not up to you to prop up her facade of independence at the expense of yourself. Make mom take an Uber to her appointments. And yes as Barb said mom needs to pay for the advice of an Elder Care attorney although I doubt mom will willingly leave her home and move into a facility. So the best option you have is to stop propping her up and doing for her.
Oedgar23 Nov 13, 2023
Uber drivers here are scarce. Also, mothers monthly income is still modest, just social security. We’ve only “just “ gotten her to a level of stability where she can pay her bills. She’s now at least got a little extra in her checking acct, plus a 4000 ish IRA that she’s not even taken her RMD from. I know this is a problem and there might be penalties, but Just haven’t dealt with that. When she found me, she had NO money, shut off utilities. I’ll never get her to agree to pay a maid. I do some cleaning, because since I’m involved I can’t allow the house to go back as it was. That is inhumane. Like others have said, I am in the position of waiting for some event to happen that will clearly necessitate change. I have a feeling when her 12 year old dog dies she’d be more willing for AL. The facility I looked at would take her dog, but she will not be capable of walking him on a leash there, and he is an escape risk.
BarbBrooklyn Nov 13, 2023
You need to see an Elder Law Attorney.

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