We have a mom with Alz and we are updating the house. She has ruled the roost for our entire lives and has become very angry and combative.
The house needs major work. We are having the interior painted, new carpet put in, etc. We are terrified of her reaction. Any suggestions on how to break the news to her and deal with this?
I don’t understand. If she’s terrorizing you, she shouldn’t be living with you. Or you shouldn’t live with her. If she’s that sick, you shouldn’t be caregiving her. Find a place for her to go where she gets 24/7 care by professionals. This may get much worse before it is over.
If you are “terrified” at her reaction, what specifically observable actions do you fear? Are you and your other caregivers reasonably aware of the symptoms and consequences of dementia, which is a major symptom of Alzheimer’s.
If she uses verbally hostile language, threatens you, throws objects, spits at you, attempts to strike you with her hands or cane, you need to be aware that these antisocial reactions may be beyond her control, IF she has been DIAGNOSED BY A PROFESSIONAL as having Alzheimer’s.
Being “terrified” of the symptoms of someone in your care is never a healthy situation for you OR for your parent.
Try a contact to your local Office of The Aging, and ask if you can speak to a social worker. Be TOTALLY HONEST when describing EXACTLY WHAT SHE DOES.
Don’t talk about how horrible she is, whether you feel that way or not. You will have the chance to voice those feelings as you continue caring for her. JUST THE FACTS are the important thing for now.
GOOD LUCK. Many of us have been where you are now. You CAN get help.
If your mom has Alz, there is really no good way to break news to her. She may not remember after you tell her, so be prepared for that.
At this point, there is no “reasoning” with her. She can’t evaluate the pros and cons of a situation, like a person without a dementia. You can’t “convince” her of anything.
This week, my mother is convinced that all she is given to eat is apples. NOTHING I say can get her to see that that is not the case.
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If she uses verbally hostile language, threatens you, throws objects, spits at you, attempts to strike you with her hands or cane, you need to be aware that these antisocial reactions may be beyond her control, IF she has been DIAGNOSED BY A PROFESSIONAL as having Alzheimer’s.
Being “terrified” of the symptoms of someone in your care is never a healthy situation for you OR for your parent.
Try a contact to your local Office of The Aging, and ask if you can speak to a social worker. Be TOTALLY HONEST when describing EXACTLY WHAT SHE DOES.
Don’t talk about how horrible she is, whether you feel that way or not. You will have the chance to voice those feelings as you continue caring for her. JUST THE FACTS are the important thing for now.
GOOD LUCK. Many of us have been where you are now. You CAN get help.
Why would an adult allow their parent to rule the roost and control their behavior by throwing tantrums?
Maybe it's time for some change, aside from paint and carpets,
If you want advice about how to effect change in this situation, we are ready to tell you how.
At this point, there is no “reasoning” with her. She can’t evaluate the pros and cons of a situation, like a person without a dementia. You can’t “convince” her of anything.
This week, my mother is convinced that all she is given to eat is apples. NOTHING I say can get her to see that that is not the case.
Who is "we"? Do you live with your mother and siblings? If so, how is that working out? Does she need 24/7 care?
I'm asking these questions because I think you have a lot more going on than just how to break the news to her of the house remodel.