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Nanabell Asked January 2023

My mom's progressing dementia. Any advice?

I was wondering if anyone experiences their loved ones thinking they have to go home when they are home? Focus on going to the bathroom? I have to get her up a couple times during the day so that she doesn't wet herself as often and doesn't wake up in the morning soaked through. Which happens from time to time. Going to the bathroom has become a more of a chore with trying to get her to sit, grab the grab bars safety bars before she sits and before I can get her to sit down she's already peed all over her pants and on the floor. I was wondering if anybody had any other suggestions to help me with these situations.
I also try to get her involved in making like a five piece puzzle and she has difficulty in doing that. She used to color and do word puzzles but that's out of the question now. Today she asked if I came to visit yesterday. It's like she didn't know I was standing in front of her and I was her daughter. So just wondering if anybody has any suggestions about toiletry issues or if they've had any of these other issues with really not knowing that she's in her own home or that I'm her daughter?

freqflyer Jan 2023
Nanabell, anytime a elder with dementia would ask to go home, they mean the house where they grew up, back when their life was fun and uncomplicated.

When my Mom was in her 90's she would ask to go home to visit her parents. I had to quickly think of something to say that my Mom may possibly understand. I would tell her that her parents were visiting the old country, and Mom was happy with that.

As for the bathroom, I like babsjvd's idea where taking the person to the bathroom every two hours. Even if your Mom feels she doesn't have to use the bathroom, turn on the water in the sink, once she is seated on the toilet. For some reason the sound of running water will do the trick. It does for me, I would be washing something in the kitchen sink and the next thing I am making a mad dash to the bathroom.

MJ1929 Jan 2023
Honestly, she's past the Pull-ups stage and needs full-on diapers. She doesn't have the control to hold it between pants being pulled down and getting onto the toilet.

I had the same issue with my mother, and it wasn't her fault -- it was what it was. The second you started to pull her pants down, the flood started.

Her memory care put her in diapers and told her to just go when she needed. She was nonetheless on a two-hour toileting schedule where they'd take her to the bathroom and change the diaper while she was on the toilet. Most of the time she went in the toilet, but if she didn't, the diaper had caught it all. The floods ceased to be an issue, and I'm sure they put an extra pad in her diaper at night because they weren't getting her up then.

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JoAnn29 Jan 2023
What type of grab bars do you mean. The kind the screw on to your toilet or ones attached to a highriser? You may want to try a commode over the toilet. New ones should come with a splashguard that takes place of the bucket. The commode can be adjusted for height as long as splashguard edge is below the rim of the toilet. The commode has its own seat so you can remove the toilet seat. Also remove the bar on the back of the commode. It makes people feel more secure.

All your other question...the answer is Yes. Just like the shortterm memory goes so does longterm. So the home she is talking about could be her childhood home or the first home she ever had. My Mom lost her ability to read and do crosswords. She never liked games or puzzles so no teaching her once she had Dementia.
Nanabell Jan 2023
We try to comode it didn't work.
She could not see The grab bars
So I ended up getting the bars that you can swing up out of the way attached to the wall they're different sizes and I got the larger size so it protrudes a little bit further than the toilet. But she still has difficulty reaching for the other or she'll grab the towel rack which is a safe grab bar also but it's been difficult trying to get her to sit down before peeing in her pants. And I do get her up to three times during the day and each time is as difficult as the first
babsjvd Jan 2023
When my mom was in memory care , they put her on two hour toileting, so she would have someone with her.
Put washable pads underneath her in bed and in her chair.
would she wear a gown instead of pants?
depends with tabs instead of pull up ???
Nanabell Jan 2023
Yes we have chucks on the bed as well and disposable underneath that. We also have a check on a chair when she sits and watches TV. And no she wouldn't wear a gown she's used to wearing pants and socks to bed. We have pull-ups and we have doubled up on the pads inside the pull-ups also
Fawnby Jan 2023
Yes, please read some of the posts on these topics. You are not alone.

At this point, many people decide that their loved one needs to go to a facility where professionals can take care of them. You should start looking at such places now, because this won't get better. So sorry!

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