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Knowwhat2do Asked January 2023

My husband has fallen several times and I called 911 to get him up in bed or to the hospital. He can only walk a few steps. Any advice?

I do everything around the house, but am exhausted.
He says that we married "....in sickness & in health" and expects me to do everything. Our family agrees that he should be in a care home due to his extensive needs & medical issues. How do I convince him?

Grandma1954 Jan 2023
And what happens when you hurt yourself caring for him...who cares for both of you?
He "expects you to do "everything"" but NO ONE can do EVERYTHING!
You need to hire caregivers that will come in and help YOU.
They can help him because that IS helping you.

When it is no longer safe for him to remain at home..
When it is no longer safe for YOU for him to remain at home..
you have no other choice bit to find proper placement for him. That could be Assisted Living, Memory Care or Skilled Nursing.
This is not an easy choice/decision but it is accepting the fact that his care is more than you can manage at home.

You give no other information in your profile or in your question so his condition/diagnosis is not known to us. But if this is progressive caring for him will NOT get easier.

JeanLouise Jan 2023
Looks like we are in the same boat. I finally stopped lifting my husband and called 911 when he couldn’t get up. He was mad but so be it. It was the push that started the most minimal motivation to become more active and help himself with PT. Although reluctant at first, establishing boundaries was essential for my (our) well being. My heart goes out to you. When it’s a spouse there’s no getting away from the heartache that comes with this chapter. Our dreams of enjoying retirement evaporated. Hugs to you. It’s hard.

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Geaton777 Jan 2023
Grandma1954 made excellent points. But if he is losing his skills of logic, reason, and empathy to cognitive decline, you willl go round and round trying to convince him. IMO the caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and giver. Currently it is only working for him. This is unsustainable. Therefore, you make a decision to do what works for both of you.

You can outline the 2 choices for him:
1) paid in-home help that will cost $XXX much (because YOU need the help)
2) you both transition to a continuum care community where you both will get everything you need.

Tell him there is no 3rd choice and that if he doesn't give you a decision, you will make it by yourself. Then do it.

cwillie Jan 2023
What about the love and cherish part of his vows, his attitude doesn't seem to be including any of that. I think if we all waited for the one we care for to choose moving to a facility they would all be half empty, tell him he either needs to work hard with PT to regain his ability to care for himself or accept whatever help in necessary. Doing nothing will ultimately result in damaging your health, and then who will watch out for him?

BarbBrooklyn Jan 2023
The next time he goes to the hospital, ask to speak with a social worker. Ask for her/his help in getting your husband placed.

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