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OldArkie Asked December 2022

Anyone else notice that when you get old and one partner develops health problems, people begin to stay away?

Problems especially those that need constant attention or those involving mental health, you seem to become persona non-grata? People are uncomfortable if they visit because they are afraid of being offensive. Children and relatives stay away for fear they will be asked to help, and I understand, because they have their own lives and their own problems, and I don't expect anyone else to assume mine. I'm O.K. with that. What I really miss is companionship which my mentally impaired spouse cannot give. I crave having a conversation about anything and everything and get reasonable responses. Sometimes people will call (out of obligation and not, I suspect, out of genuine concern) and after a few pleasantries, invent some excuse for having to hang up! I am blessed to have my wife's brother and his wife living next door. The brother is pretty much an invalid with obesity and numerous other ailments that require his wife to wait on him, hand and foot! She and I have become best friends because we can share each other's problems and provide solace when we need a shoulder to cry on. She is 80 and I am 83 and I have grown to love that woman so much. I couldn't have made it the past years without her support! I have conceded my freedom and ambitions and hopes and dreams, but I have to have some feeling of concern and understanding and knowing that at least someone gives a damn!🥰

NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2022
OldArkie,

Yes, this certainly happens. It is sad. I am glad that you have your SIL next door to you. You are a blessing to each other.

I think one reason that some people don’t visit is that they don’t want to be reminded of what will happen to them as they age. Some people are terrified of getting old.

XenaJada Dec 2022
I’m so sorry, for both you, your SIL, and any of us here who are dealing with varying degrees of this problem.

May we all be more mindful of those who simply need a friend.

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freqflyer Dec 2022
OldArkie, same happens when one gets divorced, old friends who were couples stop calling.

Also can happen when one gets sick. Back when I had cancer I wasn't a happy camper so I noticed less and less telephone calls, couldn't blame them, I wasn't all that cheery. Also, I think they were afraid of their own health, that they may be next.

Thank goodness for your wife's brother's wife. That she could relate to the situation.

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