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AliceLS Asked October 2022

Bathing and changing clothes with dementia. Any advice?

I have bath care for my dad 3 times a week. It’s new as I’m trying to remove myself from helping my dad with bathing and changing. He is getting nasty with one of the aids and refuses bath care.
He has yeast rash that develops as he doesn’t bath. He’s had radiation near his mouth and without brushing his teeth they fall out at the rate of 4-6 per year. I try to enforce at least 2 other depends and clothing changes per week and have him wash with a washcloth while watching TV. He does need help dressing (he can’t bend over) and he’s never wanted us kids to have to do that for him. Now he’s ‘glad it’s me’ and I’m trying to impress it shouldn’t be.
Am I doing ok if he doesn’t change his underwear or clothes every day? I limit where I take him because sometimes he is just NOT clean. I work full time and try to have a life with my husband outside of work and caregiving.

babsjvd Oct 2022
My mom wouldn’t change out of her gown , I gave up. Pick your battles.. however she would change into something clean. Only wore depends and was good about changing those. I would try changing clothes once a day , if not try every other, of course if it’s soiled .. change…

my father in law refused to change . He wanted to go out to dinner , the visiting son refused to take him unless he changed… sometimes you have to treat him like a child. There was no one at home who was as adamant, when FIL had an ER visit , they classified him at risk because of his hygiene…

not sure of any good advice other than pick your battles…

Grandma1954 Oct 2022
does he wear the same clothes to bed that he wears during the day?
My Husband would take off the clothes he wore during the day and fold them and put them near his chair. (he put pj"s on at night) I would take the soiled folded clothes and put them in the wash and take clean clothes and fold them and put them by his chair.
If the Depends (any incontinent underwear product) are wet they should be changed right away. The incontinent underwear should be changed daily. As a person sits, walks around and just shifts their body the absorbent material shifts and may not completely cover all areas so you may have leaks.
Hiring a bath aide (they seem to be able to get people to bathe when others can't might be a solution.) And I wonder if he would be more accepting of a Male aide rather than a female.
If this is getting to be more than you can do it might be time to look into Memory Care if that is what is needed or Assisted Living.

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againx100 Oct 2022
I feel your pain of having an "old for their age" parent living with you.

Can you hire, with his money, aides to come in daily for dressing him? I'm sure they'll have a minimum # of hours but it would be worth it.

Fawnby Oct 2022
You and he would be better off if he were in a care facility. You’re doing the best you can, but he needs full-time professional help. You deserve to get your life back, not only for you but for the sake of your marriage.
babsjvd Oct 2022
And they can get them to do things they wouldn’t do before. My mom would not shower previous AL, memory care move , she showered twice a week…

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