Am I doing more harm than good being at my grandmother's all day talking to her when she is trying to say something? I think possibly my name.

It doesn't sound like you're causing her stress. Spend what time you reasonably can and wish to. But just in case she lasts longer than expected, you don't want to be trying to stay up every night playing music for her and chatting with her. You need to take care of yourself and sleep as well.

Sorry your grandma is doing so poorly. But 91 is a ripe old age. I don't think anyone in my family has made it past 83!

I would reassure her and tell her she's safe, she's not alone, she can rest now. If she believes in the afterlife and thinks people will be waiting for her, you could mention their names… "Grandpa is waiting for you," that kind of thing.

I say “Yes my sweet Ellen, I’m here for you and I LOVE you and I always will. I’ll see you tomorrow but if you’re ready to go HOME you can go ahead. Everything is taken care of here”.

I say some variation of this every day, pat her silvery hair and kiss it, wave to her as I pass her bed to leave her room.

Her body is so failed that I’m afraid to touch her, yet she isn’t ready to let go. I’m as stubborn as she is and I’m learning some lessons from her even now, about why to be stubborn and why to “let go”. She isn’t ready, I guess, to teach me “when”.

So yes, be as peaceful and gentle and soothing to her as you can. What’s soothing for you as you offer it to her with love, is most likely what’s soothing to her. Be at peace.