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1brokenshoe Asked September 2022

What happens to dementia parents when the state comes to get them?

My dad and I have had a “good and bad” relationship my entire life. We did part ways in 2014. Not going into details about that, this is present day. On Labor Day this month 2022 I get a call from the police. Dad and his wife has severe dementia and has let 25 cats use their huge lovely home as a litter box. I drove 9 hours to find a nightmare. They only eat bread. I learned from a DSS case manager that “ something has to be done- but I’m not allowed to give you details, since you’re not POA. “
dad has over 1.5 million in bank, but he doesn’t use it. I tried getting help, but I can’t be there all the time.
the social worker now says I have 10 days left (I can’t work that fast).
I’m 62. Have a specialized profession and I can’t spend the next year in court, fighting for health care (trust me… if you knew the whole story, you may feel the same)
im just asking- what happens next? They NEED to get out of the house. It’s more than awful. I cleaned up cat stuff for 3 days. Each day it was more. I even spent $10,000 for someone to get rid of cats. My dad refused entry.
so. What happens next? All I can do is order them food every day so they have something to eat besides bread.
any help is good help- but don’t you dare question my actions. Thanks

mstrbill Sep 2022
If he has that kind of money, if you don't pursue guardianship, somebody else will. Trust me, when the DSS worker says something like that, believe her. What will happen is a court appointed guardian will take over and be in control of all of his money. If you do some research, you'll find some horror stories about court appointed guardians for people with assets. So it basically comes down to your choice whether you want to get involved or not with that kind of money at stake.

Geaton777 Sep 2022
Based on your profile I guess my question to you is: what do you want the outcome to be? Are you done caregiving? If so, let the county acquire guardianship. They will take over everything and manage all their affairs. You won't be allowed any access or insight into their finances, medical care, etc. You can be at peace that they are protected, fed and cared for.

The other option is for you to pursue guardianship for them in court. That may take time and energy. But you should consult with an experienced elder law attorney who may be able to guide you in getting emergency guardianship so you have authority sooner rather than later.

I don't really see a 3rd option. I agree with others that the "10 days" seems like nonsense, but maybe talk to the attorney. If your father has money in the bank these expenses can be legitimately covered. I wish you all the best. I just came from my Aunt's home where 2 cats were waging a territorial war inside with all types of body fluid, so you have my deepest sympathies!

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BurntCaregiver Sep 2022
Who has the POA? Do you have siblings? If no one has it then you go straight away to the probate court in the town/city your father lives in and file an emergency petition for POA and Conservatorship. The state is already on it so they can attest to the fact that he's out of it and incompetent. You do not have to take responsibility for his wife. You don't refer to her as your mother, so I'm assuming that she is irrelevant to you.
The state will place them both in a nursing home because they have likely already filed for conservatorship over them. They will eat up that 1.5 mil too even if they die. The nursing home and the state are not going to refund one cent of that money.
It was foolish of you to spend that to thousand getting rid of the cats. You will not see that money again unless you go to court.
Get yourself to a lawyer pronto and file for conservatorship. Don't give the state or a nursing home any financial information or social security numbers.
1brokenshoe Sep 2022
I don’t want their money. I’m just hoping they have enough to pay for a good place. I don’t want POA. I just want to know where the State takes them, and has anyone ever been through this before.
my mom recently passed away (August 24th). She lived with me.
I was HER caregiver, with love and enthusiasm. I was never my dad’s or my stepmother’s caregiver.
Grandma1954 Sep 2022
I would think before the Court would appoint a "Court Appointed Guardian" they would try to get a family member to accept Guardianship.
If you can do that (it would not be a "fight for a year in court" they would appoint a Guardian right away. And as Guardian you would then have legal authority to make health care and financial decisions for them.
You would have to keep records and submit paperwork to the court.
If you do not want to do this (and I completely understand it is not easy) the Court would then assume responsibility for all financial and health care decisions.
You might want to consult an Elder Care Attorney simply because of the assets your parents have.
And since you are not legally responsible for them at this point that "10 days" is a bunch of BS if you excuse the term.

BarbBrooklyn Sep 2022
YOU don't have 10 days. How DARE the SW say that!!

No one can make you do this. Tell the SW you are done and that the State is free to take guardianship.

I agree that consulting an eldercare attorney is a wise move, if only to tell you how to get reimbursed your 10K.

lealonnie1 Sep 2022
Wow, what a tragic story. And how is it you can't get details b/c you don't have POA, yet you have '10 days left' to sort this mess out? And it's okay for you to spend $10K+ to clean things up and get rid of the 25 cats? Sad, isn't it?

What happens next, I believe, is that social services gets them out of that house and placed, against their will if necessary, in a safe and clean Skilled Nursing Facility where they can be fed and cared for properly, with dementia at play. I don't know if Medicaid picks up the tab, however, since dad has $1.5 million in the bank. Who has POA for him, anyone? You may want to contact a Certified Elder Care attorney for guidance on that subject, since that's a lot of $$$ to give away to the state if they were to become guardians of your dad and stepmother! Yikes.

I'm sure someone else with better, more thorough info than I have, will come along to give you their knowledge on the matter.

Wishing you good luck & Godspeed with this mess you're in. I'm sorry you're in such a terrible position to begin with, having no real power to DO anything, yet still expected to 'fix' things.

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