My father has been in a facility since February 11th. Two days before, he was driving himself to the grocery store grocery shopping. He fell and pushed his medic alert pendant. Ambulance transported him ands ER Doc said he could not go home. Suddenly had no short term memory. Could not stand up or walk.
Within a couple weeks he really had no memory and could not recall even most family members names. In April he could speak a few words only and could somewhat move himself with his hands in a wheelchair.
In June he could not speak, and was getting complete care. Second week of August, no speech, and no outwards signs he recognized me or anybody. No emotion, no tracking when you moved just staring. They have been hand feeding him and I watched. It was hard to see. a month ago the Doctor removed all meds except liquid morphine and adavan "as needed."
Nurse called me last week, he was falling asleep when feeding and eating 20-30% of food and water. And curling his hands to his chest with zero movement. He has a medical directive for no medical care other than pain management and no NG tube or artificial hydration. The emotional roller coast is tremendously rough. I guess I'm just trying to figure out when the lord is going to take him. I know he never wanted to be this way. And I live 13 hours away by car. Bringing him here was not an option.

Find Care & Housing
I think the hospice nurse should be able to give you a better idea of how much time dad has left. My mother's nurse was able to tell me that mom had a couple of days left to live, and she was right. There are many signs a person exhibits when the end is very near, that the RN would know and be able to relay to you.

I imagine you are trying to figure out how long dad has left here on Earth so you can drive down to visit him? See what the nurse tells you and plan that visit; spend time with him for as long as you can, and then head back home. You'll be able to say your farewell to him during that visit, whether he passes or not, you'll have closure that you said your goodbyes.

I'm so sorry you're going through this; I know how hard it is. When my mother was in the last week of her life, I was able to spend every day with her, and I am grateful for that opportunity. But with both of my parents, I did not want to be with them when they took their final breath, so I left and went home. I wanted my final memories of them to be happy ones, and not of struggles to take a final breath which I know would have been hard to get OUT of my head. That is an individual choice we each make, though.

Wishing you the best of luck and may God help you through this difficult part of dad's journey and your grief.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to lealonnie1

You don’t need to be there. And you know all you need to know. We can’t know when it’s going to be anyone else’s time. Please take comfort that he put his advance directives in place and that this is going as he planned. You’ve done all you could or should do. So sorry.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Fawnby

AP, welcome.

I'm so sorry you and your dad are going through this ordeal.

It sounds to me like perhaps he had a stroke that's why he fell. Such a sudden change in his mental and physical status seems hard to explain any other way.

Are you with him, or are you able to get there?

Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter