Tajann Asked September 2022

Social worker called to inform me my mom is being discharged, after not involving me for days. She says she has to be discharged to my house. Any advice?

Social worker called and says my mom has to be discharged home. I asked what home? She sold it. She said, to your house where she came from. I said I already discussed that my house is not safe for her and it was only temporary until her apartment opened. She said well you can look into senior living facilities for her. I said, no that is your job. I do not have POA. She said then I will have to get my supervisor involved. Any other suggestions?

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Tell her to get her supervisor involved. Hell, tell her to go ahead and get the President and the Pope involved if she has to, as long as the solution they come up with does NOT involve mom moving in with you. Sounds like she's trying to force your hand to avoid her doing more work.

Helpful Answer (35)

Exactly. Dtr needs to stand her ground and refuse to take mom home.

(3)

Tajann, your mom has already proven that she is willing to lie about you and accuse you of physical assault.

Tell the social worker that she CAN NOT come to your home. She doesn't live there, she was just visiting while in transition and you ARE NOT able to provide her any care or assistance, PERIOD.

She is financially able to rent a furnished apartment and that's what she needs to do.

I know it is difficult to step back and say no but, if anyone believes her lies, your life will be a living hell and you could lose everything proving you didn't do whatever she decides to accuse you of.

Helpful Answer (23)

If the hospital says they'll provide "help" once she's home, DO NOT believe it -- they won't. My family's experience was the hospital called the Sheriff to drop off my stepFIL at his quad home after a minor fall because he "needed" to be discharged they couldn't wait for me to get off work (25 mile trip), get my kids from school and figure out solutions. Got yelled at/scolded by the Sheriff. Left me with a 6'5" man with Parkinsons at his home with stairs at night. Can't make this stuff up.

Do not allow them to drop her off at your home no matter what threat they make to you. The supervisor will get involved to find a place for her to land. If your mom has cognitive/memory impairment the county will probably move to acquire guardianship. Then they will control everything. I'm not sure there is any middle ground solutions here. Let us know how it goes. I wish you success in working with social services and the hospital.

Helpful Answer (19)

If mom is competent, the MOM is able to say where she desires to reside (as long as it's NOT your home--because YOU decide who lives in your home).

Mom's resources pay for mom's housing and care; the SW can discuss with mom what that care looks like.

Get your locks changed today and arrange to be away from your home (vacation?). Call 911 if they drop mom and have her taken back to the hospital.

Helpful Answer (19)

Great advice here! The only thing I would add is to advise the social worker and her supervisor is that, based on the results of your conversation with her , your next phone call will be to the State Department of Health because they are attempting to unsafely discharge your mother.

(12)

Good job with your responses to social worker. Do. Not. Back. Down. She is NOT to come to your house. It is unsafe.

Please keep us updated.

Helpful Answer (18)

Practice looking vague and clueless whenever they talk about sending her to your house. "Huh? Why would you do that? She doesn't live there."

Sometimes selective deafness is a great tool. Use it as much as possible whenever they suggest something will happen that involves you. Just give them that "Who, me?" look and laugh.

Helpful Answer (17)

Stick to your guns. Its an unsafe discharge. That Mom has not allowed you to involved with her care and you are not starting now. If transport comes, refuse to take her. They will need to take her back. If they threaten you with sending her to your house by transport, tell them you will not allow her in. With her condition now, your house is unsafe. Keep repeating you will not care for her. You have no legal standing. There is no law that says a child has to care for a parent. Tell them its between them and Mom. Seems she is competent to care for herself because she has not wanted to see you. And the SW must think Moms competent because you haven't been called in days. Tell the SW you have been very upfront this whole time that you are not an option.

Is Mom still getting her apartment? Maybe she can be placed in an Assisted living till then?

Helpful Answer (16)

"And the SW must think Moms competent because you haven't been called in days."

Great point!

(8)

Let her get her supervisor. You are allowed to dispute a discharge if there is no appropriate place for the person to go. Ask the patient advocates how to go about it. The dispute takes about three days and during that time they cannot discharge the patient

Helpful Answer (16)