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Sunil85 Asked August 2022

Where to turn for help?

Sorry in advance for the nove. I’ve posted here once before about my Nan. Now not even 2 weeks later, she’s in hospital. She had a routine geriatrician visit and she told me her BP was 80/40, dehydrated, she was that skinny that a kids Velcro BP monitor strap could go around her arm and the geriatrician said it’s only the second time she’s used it in 4 years. Anyhow, my Nan is like a red rag to a bull. She’s verbally and physically aggressive etc, so every time you try to feed her or give her a drink, she flat out refuses and will throw her food or not drink.


So the geriatrician sent her ASAP to the hospital for her low blood pressure (she was on blood pressure meds, no idea why), and she’s been in there for a week and a half now, but also because the geriatrician wants to find a long respite for my Nan to give me a break as I only get 10 hours a week to myself, so she’s in the hospital currently hoping a spot opens up and she can go straight in.


The last week and a half I’ve had a doc call me saying they’ve searched far and wide etc, and they can’t find a thing for her needs. It’s either “view to permanent” type, or she’s “too much for them” because they believe respite is a place where you can just give meds and the residents not disturb others as my Nan is stage 7 dementia.


They’re letting her stay in the hospital for another 2 weeks hoping they find a place, but if they don’t she comes back home. My issue is since she’s been in there, she’s been an utter delight apparently. She eats all the hospital food, drinks etc she’s back to normal and nurses find her a sweet old lady. Why does she put on a facade in a hospital ONLY and they don’t see what I see? She was in respite in March and she acted out the same way she does when she’s at home, and that facility said she’s not welcomed back. So what is it about hospitals she’s “normal” but not at home or in a respite facility to the post nobody wants her? I’m genuinely curious. This is her 9th trip in 9 weeks but for various things.

mstrbill Aug 2022
Just so you know, you can't be forced to be her caregiver. What that means to you is they don't "just send her home" if they can't find a facility. You need to convey to them that that is not an option and it would be unsafe for her because you or nobody else will be there to help her. But it is your choice.

lealonnie1 Aug 2022
She's not happy or thriving living with you, for God knows what reason, and she's happy being paid attention to in the hospital I guess, like Cover said. I'd get the woman medicated properly and placed in a facility that WILL accept her, and refuse to take her back from the hospital if it were me. I don't think you're in the USA.....and if not, I have no idea what kinds of rules pertain to elders wherever you live. But in the USA, if the carer can no longer manage the care of an elder at home, and state that they cannot, refusing to accept the elder back at their home, the hospital social worker must find a long term care facility for the elder to live in.

Last time you posted about the dreadful situation you're in with nan, you got some good advice.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/why-do-i-bother-476596.htm?orderby=recent

What's your plan to disengage from caring for her now? The matter won't resolve itself....its up to you to make some decisions moving forward now.

Good luck!

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Cover999 Aug 2022
She's waited on in the hospital, can relax in the bed while watching tv, and see and hear the goings on on the floor she is on, possibly even seeing the shift changes.

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