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lisatrevor Asked May 2022

Contact an old friend or make new friends during a difficult time. Any advice?

I have some family issues in recent months and I'm literally all alone. There is only one person I could call on but they are enduring terrible circumstances related to health and I don't want to bring up my issues with them.


 


I do have another old friend. We haven't spoken in several years. What happened was I focused on my family and just lost touch. This friend though had made some disparaging and frankly hurtful comments about my family when we last spoke so they were not that missed. But in many respects they are a stand up, responsible person who is very smart, has a successful career and has helped a number of people when they were down. On the other hand some of those people were chronic troublemakers and major alcohol abusers and my guess they may still have those associations which I abhor.


 


I think though that speaking with someone may get me through this rough time in my life. Do you think I should call them? Otherwise I could try to make new friends but my goodness it's not as easy when I was younger!

Sendhelp May 2022
When seeking a friend, have something to offer in friendship.
Do not seek a friend (new or old) because you are in trouble or needy.

The "friend" you need is a therapist to talk to.

lealonnie1 May 2022
A friend who makes 'disparaging and frankly hurtful comments about your family' isn't a friend at all, but someone to let stay where they are: on the sidelines of your life. Just b/c a person is 'smart' doesn't mean they have your best interests at heart. Oftentimes, a 'dumb' person has a much bigger heart than a genius.

You are back to writing multiple posts here on the forum, all ongoing at the same time. All having little or nothing to do with caregiving, but focusing more on your state of mind which appears to be in a negative place right now. Please take BarbBrooklyn & JoAnn's good advice and seek out the guidance of a recommended, trained therapist to help you with the multitude of issues you face. When you are facing a 'rough time in life', as you say you are, the best thing to do is to seek out professional advice rather than internet advice from random strangers, or advice from former acquaintances with alcohol problems. That's MY 2 cents on the matter. What you don't need right now is more problems to add to your pile.

Wishing you the best of luck navigating all that you have on your plate currently.

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JoAnn29 May 2022
I would not want this "old friend" back in my life. They sound like trouble.

I think you need a therapist. There are clinics that charge by income. I think you need to learn how to assert yourself and be made to feel guilty because you did. Not just because of your situation now but your future.

MJ1929 May 2022
Get therapy, because not only will it be a friendly ear, they'll help you with coping skills.

LoopyLoo May 2022
What are you looking for, really?

This person may have good qualities, but they also trash-talked your family. No need to churn up that drama.

AlvaDeer May 2022
I recall some of your other posts.
Trying to make old friends or new is not the way to get support on family issues.
See the help of a therapist who is capable and trained.
Best to you.

funkygrandma59 May 2022
I'm with BarbBrooklyn, that you should seek out a counselor or therapist who will be an unbiased person to best help you sort out all you're dealing with. Don't get this "old friend" involved in your business again. If he/she were a true friend they would have been reaching out to you all along.
And might I also suggest looking for a local support group either online or in person as who better to share with than folks that are going through the same or similar things as you. My local caregiver support group saved my life when I was at my wits end caring for my husband.
I wish you the very best.

TChamp May 2022
If I were you, I would talk to a therapist first before contacting you old friends.

BarbBrooklyn May 2022
I would think that perhaps a therapist would be a better idea given the multiple issues you are having right now.

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