There comes a time in the relationship between a child and a parent becomes reversed. We become the parent and them the child. I question when someone says "at 95 my parent is still sharp as a tack".
"We develop many thinking abilities that appear to peak around age 30 and, on average, very subtly decline with age. These age-related declines most commonly include overall slowness in thinking and difficulties sustaining attention, multitasking, holding information in mind and word-finding."
I am 72 and I see it in me. Its not disrespect to treat a parent like a child when they act like one. I can just imagine what my Dad would have been like at 95. You should have seen him at 79. So when Mom has a tantrum, walk away. Don't engage.
Your Mom has quite a bit wrong with her. The arthritis probably gives her pain. You have she suffers from anxiety. Is it a tantrum or a meltdown. She is just overwhelmed. Hearing loss is a big thing. My DH has had it since an accident at 4 and now at 75 he only has one good ear and that he only has 30% and that's with a hearing aide. It still depresses him aft all these years.
What is going on when she has these "tantrums". Is it because you won't do something when she wants you too? Then ignore it. If its when there is too much going on around her or she is having trouble communicating, then its she is going into overload. Has she been checked for Dementia? Is she on meds for her anxiety? If so, then maybe she needs the meds adjusted or a new one.
At 72 I like peace and quiet. When my grandson is here, he is playing games on his phone and has the TV loud. I can't take it. The TV gets muted or turned off and he is asked to keep the volume on his phone low. Texas Roadhouse, love their food, but I swear they have their music above what the law allows. Then you have everyone trying to talk over it and waitress running all over. Just too much for me. I am getting a headache thinking about it.
So, take note on what is going on when she has these tantrums.
A person won't throw a tantrum if there is no one there to witness it. Walk alway. Every time. If you think you can't handle it, look up how to deal with toddler tantrums. Lots of info. Then do it.
As Beatty mentioned - a description may be helpful. In our case - my honest to goodness narcissistic FIL has tantrums all the time because he is used to getting his way and will go into meltdown mode when told no. So the best way to handle his outbursts is to remain calm and tell him that we aren't going to be yelled at or deal with a manchild and when he is ready to behave like an adult we will be happy to talk to him about whatever it is he is wanting to discuss. He can have tantrums to rival a toddler too. I could tell you some stories! ;-)
But how you handle your mom really depends on the situation and what is causing it.
Do you know what's behind her frustrations? Whether young, old or inbetween, we can have our feelings overwhelm us. Especially when tired, hungry, in pain, are anxious, fearful, frustrated. Or if we just cannot get our message accross adequately.
I can certainly move from calm to niggly to YELLING if a family member disregards my no. "No. I said No. I SAID NO!!". Does shock the person trying to push 🙃
I mention that as sometimes as close family we can forgot to gain permission. The person doesn't want to do something we want them to - or we may assume someone wants our help (when they don't).
If you are talking emotional outbursts: yelling, crying..? Ensure she is somewhere safe, let her cool down. You may need to leave her presence until she is calm again. Then discuss it.
If you are talking throwing & kicking objects.. this needs intervention. You moving to a safe area asap. Discussion with Doctor/Geriatrician may be needed. Behaviour strategies put in place.
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"We develop many thinking abilities that appear to peak around age 30 and, on average, very subtly decline with age. These age-related declines most commonly include overall slowness in thinking and difficulties sustaining attention, multitasking, holding information in mind and word-finding."
I am 72 and I see it in me. Its not disrespect to treat a parent like a child when they act like one. I can just imagine what my Dad would have been like at 95. You should have seen him at 79. So when Mom has a tantrum, walk away. Don't engage.
Your Mom has quite a bit wrong with her. The arthritis probably gives her pain. You have she suffers from anxiety. Is it a tantrum or a meltdown. She is just overwhelmed. Hearing loss is a big thing. My DH has had it since an accident at 4 and now at 75 he only has one good ear and that he only has 30% and that's with a hearing aide. It still depresses him aft all these years.
What is going on when she has these "tantrums". Is it because you won't do something when she wants you too? Then ignore it. If its when there is too much going on around her or she is having trouble communicating, then its she is going into overload. Has she been checked for Dementia? Is she on meds for her anxiety? If so, then maybe she needs the meds adjusted or a new one.
At 72 I like peace and quiet. When my grandson is here, he is playing games on his phone and has the TV loud. I can't take it. The TV gets muted or turned off and he is asked to keep the volume on his phone low. Texas Roadhouse, love their food, but I swear they have their music above what the law allows. Then you have everyone trying to talk over it and waitress running all over. Just too much for me. I am getting a headache thinking about it.
So, take note on what is going on when she has these tantrums.
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But how you handle your mom really depends on the situation and what is causing it.
I can certainly move from calm to niggly to YELLING if a family member disregards my no. "No. I said No. I SAID NO!!". Does shock the person trying to push 🙃
I mention that as sometimes as close family we can forgot to gain permission. The person doesn't want to do something we want them to - or we may assume someone wants our help (when they don't).
If you are talking emotional outbursts: yelling, crying..?
Ensure she is somewhere safe, let her cool down. You may need to leave her presence until she is calm again. Then discuss it.
If you are talking throwing & kicking objects.. this needs intervention. You moving to a safe area asap. Discussion with Doctor/Geriatrician may be needed. Behaviour strategies put in place.
If you want to describe what happens it may help?