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anita14 Asked April 2022

Mother is 91 and still living in her own home, although it is obvious that she needs help. Advice?

My brother claims he has POA & MPOA. I’m fine with that as I know it is a big job. I’m sure our Dad, who died about four years ago, help set it up for her. The problem is, brother won’t keep me informed about anything relating to her health. I can’t even drive her to the Optometrist. She has twice, knowingly, signed a HIPAA release form for me to log into her chart, and both times my brother has cancelled it. I take her shopping or shop for her, take her for rides, and bring her meals when I can. She needs help cleaning, also, which I try to help her with. She has short-term memory loss which is getting worse by the day. She also claims to be sick a lot and I know she’s depressed. She shouldn't be alone. From what I understand, a MPOA only takes effect when the patient is declared incompetent or incapacitated. How can I find this out? MPOA’s do not have to be recorded in our state. My brother will not even let me read it, and my mother is too afraid of him to show me what documents she has relating to this. He has told me that it is none of my business and keep my nose out of it. He once threatened to file a restraining order against me. Friends who have cared for their own loved ones tell me they just think he’s waiting for the $$. We used to have a good relationship until he got on this power trip. I’m heartbroken over the way he has been treating me and our mother. Advice please?

Geaton777 Apr 2022
If you Mom doesn't have a medical diagnosis of cognitive impairment/incapacity or severe enough memory loss in her records, it is possible your brother's PoA authority isn't in effect unless he has DPoA. However, I'm not sure where to take it from there. You may need to consult with an elder law attorney for your mom's state.

AlvaDeer Apr 2022
If your Mother says she is afraid of a son she made POA it is time to call APS, and ask them to visit with her regarding this. If she will not be honest with THEM however, there is little you can do.
As far as medical information looks as though you are stuck with getting it from your Mom herself. Seems that the son is stopping the ability to share.
A POA can act for an adult when asked to act. If your Mother created you brother as POA and is afraid of him, and she will say anything to defend him, then I am afraid that both you and your Mother are in a good deal of trouble if the MPOA is abusive and uncaring.
I would try again, if you have a good relationship, to ask brother to please share with you what Mother allows him to share, and what she wishes shared, that you are willing to be of help where you can.
Sorry. But if Mom created him POA he isn't obligated to share anything with you. And if Mom continues to be "afraid" and to defend him, then there is absolutely nothing you can do to protect her. Very sad, but that's the fact.

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