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SavingMom2014 Asked March 2022

Finally confronted my siblings about taking large amounts of money from our elderly parent with dementia! What can I do?

Their response is “ I’ve never asked for money” or “ it’s their money to do whatever they want with." I’m so mad… they don’t come straight out and ask, but hint that they can’t pay their mortgage or can’t find work and BAM a check is written to them for $20,000.

CTTN55 Mar 2022
In January you posted about possibly hiring a fulltime caregiver? Has this happened?

What is your parents' financial situation? What is going to happen if your siblings manage to get so much of your parents' money that your parents can't afford caregiving help, a facility, or become Medicaid-eligible because of all of the gifting?

Are YOU going to be the default caregiver if this happens? Or are you going to be the one who hires and pays for caregivers or even facility placement?
SavingMom2014 Mar 2022
Yes they have full time caregivers right now. But 2 of my siblings say they can only afford them for 2 years and they will be out of money. Ironically they are the ones taking money. They say that my parents insist on them taking large checks! I said no matter what don’t take them or cash them bc they are running out of money. Recently they started writing “gift” on the checks, I’m not sure why. But I would think giving each of them over 40,000 each is way too much
AlvaDeer Mar 2022
Your sibling is correct. If the parent is competent and managing his or her own finances he is free to give any amount of money to any child he wishes to, or in fact to anyone else. Quite honestly it is not your business.
If you believe that a parent is demented and is in danger of giving away their own money, unable to manage their funds, in danger of gifting and hence not eligible for medicaid in the next 5 years that is indeed something to worry over. But that requires a diagnosis of dementia, the appointment of a conservator or guardian, and etc. You don't mention that any of that figures in this.
If your parent is diagnosed with dementia let us know. Different answers for different situations.
SavingMom2014 Mar 2022
Yes one has been on excelon for a few years and the other is on Aricept. The problem I seei that they won’t remember writing a check and if asked day after day for money, they will continue to write them not remembering they already wrote one the day before. Also I am a co-durable POA with my sibling who is taking advantage

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MargaretMcKen Mar 2022
Yes, what they say is all true. However, the combined effect of it all may not be what your Elderly Parent has ever intended. Perhaps a good option is to take EP for a meeting with a lawyer/ financial advisor, to consider what EP wants as the end result. If EP can make a preferred ‘final solution’ disposition, with some discretionary ‘spending money’ available now, everyone’s best interests might be protected.

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