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Kelly216 Asked March 2022

My 86-year-old mother has severe hearing loss and is refusing to wear the hearing aid we just got. Any advice?

My mother has short term memory issues and doesn’t remember agreeing to get a hearing aid. She calls me a liar and accuses me of wasting her money. I try to explain the benefits of the hearing aid and she just laughs at me and tells me there is nothing wrong with her hearing or memory. Even though there are several keys on the piano that she claims are broken because she can’t hear the notes. I am trying to improve the quality of her life and I don’t know what to do.

AlvaDeer Mar 2022
Much like never hearing a senior say they loved long term care I have never heard one say they love their hearing aids. So you are dealing with both the fact there is short term memory loss and some loss of cognition as well as the general "unloveability" of hearing aids. They are at worst junk that shriek in the ear and make some tones unbearably high and some not heard at all, some good for close to you and some for far away. The best and most expensive new ones can be adjusted by you using your cell phone. How many do you know old enough to have severe hearing loss but still able to play with this stuff on their iphone? Not many. My 82 year old partner does, but it isn't worth repeating the swearing AS he does. He is down to wearing his for TV time only.
It still falls in it is what it is territory I am afraid and know of folks who have spent thousands and thousands looking for the "right" one. Even the cochlear implants require tremendous brain adaptation and adjustment.
Wish you luck, but not placing bets that any of this will work.

CTTN55 Mar 2022
I don't see any other posts by you, and this is your profile: "I have been living with my mother for about 6 years to take care of her 24/7 and I am physically and mentally exhausted. I am not trained in care giving and I do not know how to deal with the behavioral obstacles that are becoming an issue."

This is just the latest of many challenges, yes? How did it happen that you became the one to move in with your mother to become her fulltime caregiver?

What is your mother's financial situation? If she needs a fulltime caregiver, can she afford a facility? If not, could she qualify for Medicaid?

Please tell us more.

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MJ1929 Mar 2022
Hearing aids are very hard to get accustomed to. My mom had a terrible time, but she did get used to them. However, she went in the hospital for about 10 days without them, and when she came out, she refused to ever wear them again, and that was that.

It's crucial, though, that they're properly fitted for her if you want any chance of her wearing them. Did you take her to an audiologist to have her hearing loss assessed, then have the aids adjusted for her once she got them? If not, you have to do that.

I hope she'll eventually adapt to them, because hearing loss is very isolating and contributes to the progression of dementia. My mother was stubborn for years about getting hearing aids, and I'm sure not being able to hear didn't do her brain any favors.

Isthisrealyreal Mar 2022
I recently read an article that explains why hearing aids are hard to adapt to.

The main issue is the brain needs time to rewire, as it were, the sense of sound. This takes time and the longer the hearing loss, the longer it takes.

It also introduces sounds that can be startling and confusing at the beginning of the journey.

I don't know how to get her to wear them, maybe, telling her the monies already spent, so she should give it a chance. If she doesn't, she is the one wasting her money.

I like the idea of whispering and saying you are tired of yelling. Maybe throw in some mouthing only sentences.

Best of luck!
Geaton777 Mar 2022
Yes, this is exactly what the audiologist explained to us: it takes 3 weeks or more to adjust. My plan-b is to see if she'll use a simpler, less expensive sound amplifier just so she can see the difference.
againx100 Mar 2022
I'm just realizing that this is part of the reason I have cut down considerably on how much I talk to my mom. Since she can't hear me or understand me, what's the point?? I will NOT be doing any shouting. I'll write notes first!

lealonnie1 Mar 2022
My mostly deaf mother would insist everyone ELSE at the Memory Care ALF was deaf except for HER. She'd poke fun at the other residents and point out, loudly, how DEAF they were, not realizing she had the exact same issue (if not worse) than THEY did! Fun fun fun~!

I never even broached the subject of hearing aids with the woman. Just continued to holler at the top of my lungs and then have her ask me why I was screaming at her? Over & over, round & round, we'd go, like two crazy people embroiled in the same situation every time we tried to speak.

Some things never change. And we can't fix FOR them what they refuse to HAVE fixed. Keep that in mind and your life may get easier. Also, she's paid for NOTHING. It's all free and covered by Medicare. That was the lie I'd told my mother for everything from prescription glasses to wheelchairs to everything else under the sun. That too is much easier than expecting them to swallow the truth that eyeglasses are $1000 or hearing aids are $5,000.

Good luck!

pamzimmrrt Mar 2022
Whisper,,alot.. then tell her your are shouting and tired of it . It may work!
Geaton777 Mar 2022
Nope, that didn't work even when my mom was reminded that she has to do that with her own sister. Even sitting in front of the audiologist with her hearing test results right in front of her. You cannot use reason and logic and memory with people with dementia. That's why it is important to get hearing aids for elders (and ourselves) sooner rather than later. Once the window of opportunity closes, it is closed for good.
againx100 Mar 2022
My mom is the same way. She can't hear very well and with dementia that definitely contributes to crappy conversations. "I thought you said....." is a game I am soooo tired of playing. I'm not going to even go down that road at this point. I tried, unsuccessfully, to get her to use a CPAP for her severe sleep apnea. So disappointing that she couldn't use it and now is stuck with being exhausted for the rest of her life.

But we can't make someone with dementia learn new things. Or understand the value of the thing we KNOW will make their life better. So hard to let it go, but here we are.

Geaton777 Mar 2022
I am going through this exact issue, literally yesterday and into today. My mom argues in illogical circles and is 92 with mild cognitive impairment and mild memory loss.

See if your mom is willing to put in just 1 hearing aid, which would be better than none. At the end of the day your mom's advanced age and dementia will prevent her from easily adapting to new things. You can try a "therapeutic fib" and tell her you'll pay for them. Even so, it may be Groundhogs Day every morning to get her to wear them. You must pick your battles. Other options available at much lower costs are sound amplifiers that she can wear around her neck and other, simpler devices. I tried to get my mom to use hearing aids 5 years ago when her cognition and memory were better but I think her vanity and fear prevented her. Trying to go at it with logic and reason will exhaust you. Maybe you can put on a "fake" pair yourself and show her they aren't "scary". Time to get creative, but you'll need to have tempered expectations if she rejects all attempts. Then "it is what it is". Wishing you success in helping to improve her ability to hear!

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