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DoingMyBest73 Asked January 2022

Dad said another AL resident will help him with his phone for $10 cash. Is this okay?

To be honest, he has memory issues (no clear diagnosis yet, despite my bio) and the voice mail was very long and rambling. But he always has problems with his phone, and I'm constantly helping him. My feeling is: I don't think this is okay, full stop. Right? There shouldn't be cash transactions in AL. My husband is on the fence, feeling that if it's just $10 and it's someone else living there who wants to help my Dad with something, what's the harm?


But I'm right, right? My husband is thinking about college kids in a dorm, "hey dude, if I give you ten bucks will you fix my computer?" not people with memory issues living in AL. :)

Myownlife Jan 2022
Money shouldn't be the first concern. Identity theft would be uppermost on my mind. Not everyone in AL has memory issues. You have no idea what he could with the phone.

BurntCaregiver Jan 2022
No. Do not let any money change hands in the AL facility. Please tell your husband that a college dorm is a very different place than an AL facility.
None of the residents in the AL know how to fix your father's phone. If you pay the ten bucks and the phone doesn't function perfectly, breaks down again, or the resident makes it worse because he doesn't really know what he's doing, there will be trouble.
You're dealing with elderly people who are probably also bored as hell and many with memory issues.
I've worked as a caregiver with elderly people for almost 25 years. I worked in a lovely AL facility too. One resident "hired" another to hand knit a baby blanket with a matching hat and booties for her granddaughter's baby shower gift. It was beautifully done and she got a real bargain for what she paid. But then the complaints started.
The buyer didn't want those colors. She didn't want that particular knitting pattern. She thought she paid too much. I got the complaints incessantly from her and how she wanted her money back. Then the battle lines got drawn because some residents sided with her and others with the lady who did the knitting and the battle of Gettyburg ensued.
The real underling factor was that the buyer of the baby things wanted them for free and was jealous because the resident who knits still had a car and went out regularly. So she caused some trouble.
Please don't let any money exchange hands in the AL.

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Llamalover47 Jan 2022
DoingMyBest73: Absolutely not. That's a full stop for sure. Even though this proposed 'helper/tech' is also residing in the AL, could this person be a scam artist? Could be - taking control of your father's phone is a no. Also, get your father a simpler phone.
Myownlife Jan 2022
This is the first thing I thought of!
Riley2166 Jan 2022
People live in facilities because something is wrong with them. The person wants to have some control and money, can't blame them. But I think it is a waste of time due to his memory issues. If he has to have a phone, why not just buy a simple Trac One or a Jitterbug flip top. Nothing complicated - works fine.
BurntCaregiver Feb 2022
Good answer, Riley. Just get him a Trac One or a Jitterbug phone.
People living in care facilities are there because there's something wrong with them. It doesn't necessarily have to be a mental condition or dementia though. Take yourself for example. Your mind is right as rain, but you're physically disabled.
In this case it's people dealing with technology. Nobody in that AL can fix the phone. It needs to be brought somewhere to be fixed by professional tech people.
lifeisgood720 Jan 2022
Good he asked you first. I'm concerned about potential slippery slope of paying cash to others.

naia2077 Jan 2022
Absolutely not! You have no control over what the other resident will do once he has the phone... He could keep it or say he lost it, etc. As suggested, take away the phone or help him yourself as needed.

Jasmina Jan 2022
No bc you don't know if this is a staff member, a resident, or someones family member visiting th AS. Can your dad use the phone? I'm surprised it's not stolen or misplaced yet.
Does he use it to call you? If he cant, no point in a cell phone. I'd find a way for the phone to disappear and redirect.
Get him a rotary phone if your feeling guilty and have to have one. And you can call him periodically, so he won't have to try to remember your number. And you provide comfort that way. You know he'll be there in the eve so there ya go.

I wouldn't pay anyone. Today it's 10, then dad has more problems, another 10, then another, or 20 today bc you already paid 10 last week etc. What happens if you pay it, (lets say person is legit for argument sake) 5 mins later dad messes up phone again. Now what? You threw away 10 bucks for nothing. Don't do it. He'll be ok without a phone. You said he has memory problems. I'd save that monthly bill for hair cuts or something else important. At his age it's a luxury mot a necessity. A rotary phone is better.

JoAnn29 Jan 2022
I know not everyone will agree with me, but if a parent can no longer use a phone correctly and is calling me all the time for help or being a pain, may be time to take it away. Lose it. Tell them that ur taking it in to have it looked at. When they ask about it, just keep saying its still being repaired. Maybe eventually they will forget. With my Mom it was a very simple phone, push button to talk push same button to turn off. She still had problems. Its been 5 yrs almost, but I don't remember seeing any of the other residents with cell phones in her AL.

It may be cheaper to just get a landline installed. Then have it set up for local calls only from his end. The cost cannot be anymore than a cell phone a month. Then find an old fashioned phone where you pick it up when it rings and hang up when ur done. They do lose longterm memory too. Will forget how to use a cell but will remember how to use a phone they used back before cells.

AddieD Jan 2022
I agree with the fact that your father’s friend may have his own memory issues, to say nothing of him just being a jerk for charging…

My husband’s phone quit working because of the 5G upgrade. The apps don’t even work. That could be the reason your father is having trouble. Or it could just be your Dad- my dad can answer the phone and make phone calls, but he never “hangs up” right, so you can’t call him back.

Talk to the Head Nurse and ask to have one of the staff help him. I would bet they’ve assisted residents with their cellphones a number of times!

DrLokvig Jan 2022
No!

NYCmama Jan 2022
Simple. You need to be your Dad's advocate. Go to the AL and get to the bottom of it.

Taarna Jan 2022
Your dad is not mentally competent. Nobody should approach him for services for cash.

Rick10 Jan 2022
Well, its a little screwy for someone to be asking for 10 bucks in my opinion. Can the "payee" even do much better of having problems themselves. Let the staff know. One of them may be able to help. Its probably not a serious situation, maybe no harm, but I still find it somewhere between funny and odd. Does the "fixer" also have memory issues? Sounds like the memory challenged leading the memory challenged. Lastly, what are the plans for the ten bucks if its paid??????

KNance72 Jan 2022
Meet the person who wants to help your Dad with his phone and pay him the $10 .

Sohenc Jan 2022
My 85 YO mom in a nursing home (NH) now (about 16 months in the NH) has had cell phone issues for well over 5 years because with first "mild cognitive impairment" and now "mid-stage dementia" she cannot follow/learn/remember how to use it. Case in point, she was constantly turning off WiFi and then she would have huge data charges. So I gave up and just signed her up for an unlimited (somewhat expensive) data plan, better than a $200 cell phone bill because data is running wild on back end apps she cannot remember to turn off. Whatever.

The phone was a very simple android, but I had to buy a new one this past summer due to the switch from 3G to 4G service (could be your dad's issue as others have mentioned) but I got the phone and programmed it first, removed as many confusing apps as possible and added face pictures to the phone numbers she most often tries to call so all she has to do is look for a face (if she can remember) and press the face image and the call goes through. The social workers at the facility may be able to help too. The new simple phone is fromConsumer Cellular they have good, inexpensive cell phones for seniors (some with very large buttons and other features, and they offer not hugely expensive service plans. Have the phone delivered to you, so you set it up and then send/deliver it to your dad. I gave my mom a laminated picture "info graphic" I created to remind her how to use it. So far that seems to be working.

I would NOT have other residents at the NH fool with the phone, who knows what they know or not AND depending on what data is on the phone, there could be identify theft issues. My mom had one credit card tied to her cell as she had plugged that info in to a shopping app over a decade ago (got that removed when we got the new phone). Also, some folks may have banking or other sensitive financial information on their cell phone, if they ever at one time even years in the past did things like on-line deposits/banking, pay bills on line, etc. My mom had her SSN number on her phone too, as a "record in phone contacts" as she could not remember the number so this was a way she would look it up. Obviously, removed that too on the new phone. So best to not let others have access to the phone and best to wipe it of any sensitive financial, banking or personal information whether it is just in Dad's hands or others have access to it.

pattyl36 Jan 2022
I would talk with the staff to get a full picture.

Geaton777 Jan 2022
My 92-yr old mom uses a flip phone and is constantly telling me it doesn't work but she is inadvertently squeezing the volume button and turning off the sound (she has arthritis and neuropathy in her fingertips). One tech person recommended we super glue the button so it can no longer be accidentally pressed. Just saying that it's most likely operator error with your Dad and that there may be an inexpensive "fix" to work around him undoing it again. Or it may be time to get him a special phone for people with ALZ. Need to do this soon since he is losing his ability to retain anything new.

JoAnn29 Jan 2022
Is it the phone or Dad. Waste of money if its Dad. If its the phone, take it back to where u bought it. Must have a guarantee.

Even if Dad has had this phone for ages and never had a problem, now that Dementia maybe setting in, he now has problems remembering how to use it. People with Dementia have tried to use their TV remotes as phones and visa versa.

What are the problems. Bad reception? That could be the problem on where the AL is situated. I get lousy reception in my living room. Its like a dead zone. An old phone thats 3G and he needs one thats 4G. I had problems because of that. Maybe the ALs WiFi is not strong enough to handle everyone using it. What does Dad use the phone for?

Ariadnee Jan 2022
Wouldn't some one working at the assisted living facility be able to help? I mean, it's in the title "Assisted Living" which is what they ought to be doing for those who live there who need assistance with stuff.

MargaretMcKen Jan 2022
One option might be for Dad to pay the $10, and see if the other guy fixes all the problems. If so, it might be worth it. If not, Dad shouldn’t do it again. The world is full of people who do jobs for pocket money (and often get well known for it, run off their feet, and exploited). It’s repeats that are the problem.

JoAnn29 Jan 2022
You are dealing with some of the residents who probably are in the first stages of a Dementia. I would not give him the money. He may never learn to use the phone. He maybe in a weak spot in the building when he tries it. Maybe too much on the phone, he needs a simpler phone.

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