Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
F
Firehousegal Asked November 2021

Anyone experience kicking and shoving from 96 year old mother?

My 96 year old mother has lost caregivers with her violent behavior. My brother has POA.
She is otherwise lucid and enjoys spending money every day, on large and small items.
We have put a limit on her credit card but she is relentless about getting what she wants.
She has reverted to a 3 year old with physical strength and a credit card.

lealonnie1 Nov 2021
In your profile, you state your mother has 'age related decline'. "Kicking & shoving" does not constitute 'age related decline' at all, but likely dementia related decline. Also, spending lots of money on a daily basis is also not considered normal behavior either, especially for a 96 y/o who should have few needs in general. Being relentless with what she wants is also another sign of dementia related behavior, not to mention reverting to a '3 year old with physical strength and a credit card'. And a 96 y/o with physical strength & a credit card living independently sounds like a major problem waiting to blow up, in my opinion. Violent behavior towards others is a big issue in and of itself that warrants a cognitive evaluation from a doctor asap. Once the results are revealed, you can then take the next steps to get her moved to AL or whatever managed care facility is indicated.

FWIW, 'lucidity' comes and goes with the dementias. The elders are not continually acting erratic; there are times when they're acting perfectly fine and others where they're totally out of control with their behaviors. My mother is 95 in January, with advanced dementia, and I can tell you she has good moments and horrendous moments, with the latter being more the norm lately. Belligerence is very common for her as the days and the disease progresses. Yet she can still 'showtime' with small talk & convince others she's just a nice little old lady, which couldn't be further from the truth!

Wishing you the best of luck getting the whole mess figured out soon!

Isthisrealyreal Nov 2021
My grandmother beat up 6 nurses. They were trying to subdue her because she thought they had stolen her teeth and she was having none of that.

Your mom needs to been seen by a doctor, her behavior is not normal nor acceptable.

ADVERTISEMENT


Wjleonard39 Nov 2021
My Father died this August. I knew very little of her condition until I had to deal with her the past 4 months. She walked the house at night with a flash light. It got to a point where she was no longer safe alone in her home. Her fist wacked a punch of a boxer. I finally had a Judge sign off on a 1013. A Deputy Sheriff took to the ER. From there to a facility to evaluated for 8 days. Can no longer alone in her own home. Hardest thing I had to do. Miracle = came home different as night and day. The 5 RX she know is on is working. Really hasn't slept in a year. She was not eating, lost 10 pounds. Then I took her to her new home. Happy as a lark. and actually said thank you. I have my Mother back. Just do it. It was for her safety.

NancyIS Nov 2021
Yes, I actually saw one woman at my mother's memory care unit kick one of the aides. The aide said it is not uncommon and they know how to handle it. You'll need to get experienced aides who know how to handle people with violent behavior. Make sure that her spending is within her budget.

Midkid58 Nov 2021
Well, at 96 and with limited spending power, I don't see a problem. My mom is basically immobile and spends everyday shopping. She's also limited as to what she can spend, so we all just look the other way. All she buys is junk, and it often stays in the package it came in and just sits there.

The aggression is not safe. Amazing how much physical strength an elder can muster when they are angry! You might look into a geri-psych exam and a mild tranquilizer might help with that.

BTW, my 3 yo grandson is NOT allowed to kick & shove...so maybe she needs to be treated as one. You say she's LUCID, which is probably not totally true if she thinks kicking and hitting is the way to behave.

BTW, I am grateful that when my mom threw a bedpan at me, it was plastic and didn't hurt when it hit.
answry Nov 2021
[Amazing how much physical strength an elder can muster when they are angry!] You said a mouth full. Jesus take the wheel!
Riley2166 Nov 2021
I don't care what the reason is for her behavior, THIS CANNOT BE TOLERATED AND MUST BE STOPPED AT ONCE. I would never let anyone behave this way - this person should be placed in a facility at once - you do NOT deserve this and should never accept it. And what on earth is she doing at this age with a credit card? Insane - cancel it at once - no credit cards. Use that money she spends to care for her.

Geaton777 Nov 2021
Kicking and shoving can be a sign of cognitive decline/dementia behavior. Not sure what you mean by "lucid"... if she could comprehend consequences she wouldn't be violent with others, hence I don't agree with your view of her being "lucid". Do you mean she knows who you are and what day it is? That may be so, but she is descending into unacceptable behaviors. I would discuss this and her OCD shopping hyper-focus and maybe doc can recommend something for anxiety. This will help her and everyone else. My 99-yr old aunt does things like slapping and pinching. She has mod/adv dementia. i wish you success in finding a solution that works for all.

NYCmama Nov 2021
At home, try to fill her days with other activities so that she is not so bored that she spends her time charging items. Try to get her outside each day. It takes creative thinking but the idea is to distract her and get her attention to more productive activities like puzzles, baking, socializing, music, - whatever she enjoys and is capable of doing.
You don't say if she was never violent before or if she was violent throughout her life. It sounds like she is used to getting her way through aggression. Only you and your family know the answer to this. In any case, these violent episodes should be taken seriously before they result in injury to herself or another. Please document her outbursts and have her evaluated by a doctor for dementia or mental illness. Some medications can contribute to her aggression, and yet others can be given to subdue it. This is a problem that can't be ignored.
Santalynn Nov 2021
Yes, just as a child, as OP describes her mom now, will do whatever to get attention, even if it's negative behavior...whatever gets a 'rise' out of people. I agree with other posters this mom must be evaluated, treated, and placed where she will be best cared for; the brother needs to be on the same page. When my mom was in decline, a process of roughly ten years after my dad died, most of us thought her increasing selfishness was just her old-age version of her lifelong self-absorption/Narcissism, so for awhile we brushed it off. Later it was clear it was part of her evolving dementia; even her doctor commented on how well she hid it, could 'act normal' when she wanted to; you have to admire the will to persevere but when it comes to danger to herself or others there needs to be intervention.
DadIsFine Nov 2021
I watched few YouTube videos about Alzheimer's and aggression. What I have discovered is that medical Marijuana is helpful in controlling these behaviors, so I tried it with dad.
It works.
I use the oil. It has THC, turmeric and black pepper. When I give it to him, he becomes relaxed and happy. And hungry! But never aggressive. On the other hand, if he goes more than two days without it, the aggressive behavior returns.
It's natural, and after 6 months I can say that there are no negative effects.
You can find THC products in oil or pill form, or candies. I started with the gummed, but he didn't like them, so I switched to the oil.
Good luck!

NJartist Nov 2021
My mother in her 90s, started to get first signs of Sundowner Syndrome...Dusk every day, she'd get this look of rage, and strength, and be combative...so much so, when we tried to get her into a facility, they claimed she was too combative. Finally got her into a county (NJ) facility that has a separate dementia (locked) unit, but they are so caring, and give activities to their patients, and I went there every weekday. Eventually, she stopped asking for her apartment (in NYC). It was a semi-private room, clean, fresh food daily (choices), bi-weekly doctors (dentist, optometrist, podiatrist) and entertainment (bands, bingo, BBQs). You have to shop around and visit the places. The one I found, eventually got her medicaid, since she only had a small SS check, and they took wonderful care of her (and others) for the last 5 years of her life. Stay strong, and be a voice for your Mom. Even though she can't express it, she appreciates that you're there for her. Re-assure her that you are not leaving her, you're going to be there as often as you can...bring photos, music, decorate her room as much as possible with memories. I wish you good luck and good health, and lots of patience. God bless.

See All Answers

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter