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Moejie Asked October 2021

Advice on addicted alcoholic (narcissistic) siblings?

I would like to separate myself from alcoholic sisters. My mom just passed (I’ve posted here before) and now I don’t have any living parents. Sisters are a mess, very dysfunctional, and are toxic lying alcoholics. I can’t take it anymore. I was my mother’s main caregiver and had to handle EVERYTHING because of many factors but mainly because my sisters treated my mom poorly. All 3 don’t work, are alcoholics that lie and always fail on promises and are just not caring, kind or empathetic people. I have a long laundry list of the let downs and lies but it all boils down to their drinking and abuse of prescription drugs. I’m exhausted. I’ve always had to care for everyone but we are all pushing 50 ( all a year apart) and nothing changes in their lives. My mom died not just from sudden onset respiratory failure but a broken heart because these 3 sisters would not visit or care for my mom. She worried about them all and the children they are raising. It broke my heart to see my mom beg them to call her back, give her a shower or just sit and have tea. They drink a lot and take pills. I’m tired of being the one holding family together. I have a wonderful husband and kids and friends and amazing in laws. I don’t want the addiction, narcissistic lies, or dysfunction anymore. I want to walk away. I just lost my mom and sent my oldest off to college. That itself is a transition. I’m also the only one with a full-time job, husband and normal life that doesn’t revolve around, drinking, disappointment and lies. None of my sisters are married. 2 have not worked in 20 years and rely on govt to support them but drink. I'm angry that they treated my mom so poorly after she was so good to them, their kids etc helping them raise kids, babysit, loaning money etc and what hurts too is they were not able to show up sober on my mom's death bed. They didn’t answer the phone knowing the dreaded call was coming. I had to track them down just to get up the hospital to say goodbye. They fought while in room while she was dying and all showed up too late. It’s so much more involved but I think I paint the picture. I’ve been going to counseling, trying to be mindful, go for walks etc. I’m ready to move on from them all. Any advice on how to separate? Do you block them
completely? Do I allow them to contact my kids? Not sure how to do this but I know I’m not spending holidays with anyone of them. Any advice appreciated.

AlvaDeer Oct 2021
Please consider attending al-anon meetings. There you will get wonderful advice from people who have BEEN THERE. I think you are wise to separate out these people; they will provide no good example to your own children. As to whether they contact your children or not, that would be age-determinate. If your children are beyond teen years then it is up to your children, though I feel you should attend a family counseling hour or so with an appropriate person to discuss with you, your children, and a counselor, the way to move forward.
Al-Anon is the best answer I could ever think of for your needs, and I wish you the very best of luck.

TNtechie Oct 2021
I have a brother I do not want to communicate with for reasons not quite as good as yours. I have his phone number blocked on my phone so his calls go straight to voice mail. If he is calling for some reason I want to respond to, I call him back. You might want to consider something similar with your sisters. It doesn't completely close the lines of communication, but it makes it easier for you to ignore unwanted requests.

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vegaslady Oct 2021
Avoid them all. No reason to expose your kids to them because that will only trigger you. Go on without them and enjoy the family you have chosen for yourself, not the relatives you inherited.

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