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Christ13 Asked October 2021

How to navigate POA if Dad has no money? He had a stroke & severely declined, is homeless & needs assisted living but I can't afford it :(

My Dad unknowingly had a stroke around April and declined pretty quickly. He refused to seek medical help, so his partner made him leave her home. He went to a friend's house and pretty much stayed on his own behalf in a spare room. He continued to decline badly and has been using cups as toileting and has not been eating much. He was given an ultimatum to get medical care or leave, so he went once, but did not follow up and refuses to get any more medical care. His friend is telling him today that he has to leave and giving him 7 days. He will be homeless and nobody else will help him. His friend and my uncle are strongly suggesting I be the POA. My Dad was not around me growing up and has not been there for me when I needed him but I want to help any way I can. However, he cannot live with me and my husband. We have a 6 month old and I am pregnant. I don't think we could care to him as well as he needs and I think an Assisted living home is best. The problem is, he has no money. I sure can't afford it. He mentioned that he thinks he has Medicaid, but I don't think that covers it. He's a veteran but I believe he had an AWOL. So I don't know if he will be covered by VA, due to the awol. I am not sure what to do. My family is advising me to not take on the POA because he doesn't have money and it will be too much to take on, especially with my babies. What should I do?? I would really appreciate Any advice! Thank you so much!

Maggie61r Oct 2021
Do not assume POA. You have your own family to care for and this will be a huge burden on you. As others have mentioned here, (if you are in the US) have your uncle get Social Services in your state involved - they are part of the federal Health and Human Services and have programs that help seniors.

If he goes to an emergency room, upon discharge, they would probably send him to a nursing home, which is covered by Medicaid. (Medicaid is available to people who don't have insurance, so he would be covered). This would probably be the best outcome.

AlvaDeer Oct 2021
As someone who was POA and Trustee for the sweetest man on earth, and with his meticulous history of record keeping, his absolute cooperation I caution you, this is a HUGE job AT BEST. Do not take this on. I agree absolutely with JoAnn and Grandma about this. Tell your father to contact the VA or to go to an ER when he needs help and request social services to help him. Do not become enmeshed in this. It will be frustrating and grueling at best and a nightmare at worst.

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JoAnn29 Oct 2021
I am with Gma here. Do not assume POA or guardianship. Do not support him. He needs to get to Social Services and tell them his situation. Maybe Uncle will go with him and explain the decline. SS may find him temporary housing and give him food vouchers. Where I live, its usually a hotel room until they can find something more permanent. The State can also take over his care and get him on Medicaid in a nursing facility.

Please don't allow yourself to be dragged into this. You will have enough on your plate with 2 small children and your marriage. Your responsibility is to your family. Your father was never a part of your life. You owe him nothing. I will assume the Uncle is his brother. If so, let him take on the responsibility. He can get the State involved and walk away.

If your father should end up hospitalized and they call you, tell them that he has never been a father to you. That you are pregnant and have an infant already. That you cannot or will not take on the responsibility of this man. That the State will need to step in. You have no money or the willingness to do anything for him. Then block their #. Any calls you get concerning Dad, block the number. Really, ur life will become hell. We had a member going thru something similar and now she can't get out of it.

It sounds harsh I know, but you can get involved and then not be able to get uninvolved. There are services and resources out there that your UNCLE can take advantage of. If your father needs care, there is Medicaid for a NH. Please don't take this on. It can become very stressful. The State can come in and get everything done faster.

Grandma1954 Oct 2021
Your dad is the only one that can "give" you POA this is not a role that you assume.
If he can not legally make decisions at this point, and it sounds like that is questionable, you would have to become his Guardian.
If this is a role that you do not want to take on, and it is not an easy one, that you contact APS and report him as a vulnerable senior, that is disabled. In all likelihood this would go to court and the Court will appoint a Guardian. He would be made a Ward of the State. The Court appointed Guardian will make all decisions for him as to his medical care and here he resides.
Contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission and they can help determine how much help the VA can provide. Depending on where and when he served it is quite possible that he would qualify for one of the VA facilities. (pretty sure you have to be classified as 100% or greater disabled according to their calculations to qualify for the VA facility)

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