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Patwisc Asked July 2021

What can I do when husband “traps” people (even strangers) with long detailed stories about his life, his hobbies, his travels etc?

My husband loves to tell stories about himself and his life. These stories can go on and on for 20-30 minutes. If I try to change the subject, he just glares at me and keeps talking. I have heard these same stories over and over but when he “traps” unsuspecting people who don’t want to be impolite, I don’t know what to do. Help!

zeph317 Jul 2021
My husband does the same thing! At first, I used to feel responsible to help the captors escape. But then I realized this was not a "me" problem. I cannot assume that they had no patience to listen. People can tell there is something wrong with my husband, perhaps they are being kind to listen. And if they want to excuse themselves, that is their option, they are adults and it is on them to do it. I don't have to be the one to intervene. Just free yourself from that responsibility, you have enough on your plate as it is, I am sure.
JustmeAP Jul 2021
Great advice....especially for me as I have felt the same way as Patwisc. I cannot fully explain how I felt like a gasket was blowing when my husband asked complete strangers about boat navigation (we were boaters back then) OVER and OVER and OVER! I was so angry at him (this was when I knew something was wrong but we had not sought professional help yet) and EMBARRASSED. Until recently I would let captive strangers know my husband has AD, to try and explain his behavior, which embarrassed him. I think Zeph317 is spot on!!!!

Thank you again forum members!
IamAmy Jul 2021
Throw out the embarrassment and awkwardness you feel and let him talk. We’ve all run into a long winded person and had to listen patiently to their stories, haven’t we?
Most often, the only time a person with ALZ is able to hear themselves make any sense and hear themselves string words together without effort is when they are telling of something out of their long-term past.
God love him, let him talk.
TouchMatters Jul 2021
Yes, God loves him. Let him talk to God.
This isn't just listening to a long winded friend telling a story; it is dysfunctional brain chemistry.
This person is exhausted / overwhelmed / doesn't want to be 'impolite' - she needs to set limits for her own sanity. Otherwise, she will burnout as so many do who do not know how to set limits and re-adjust their thinking of self-care vs being impolite, guilt ridden, overwhelmed.
It is a learning curve.

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Taarna Jul 2021
Let the strangers handle it in their own ways.

lealonnie1 Jul 2021
You can make or purchase small business-sized cards that say this:

The person I am with has Alzheimer's
Please be patient
Thank you

Hand one out to the person DH is rambling on with. Here is a link to purchase these cards:

https://www.alzstore.com/please-be-patient-alzheimers-cards-p/0187.htm

Good luck!
JoAnn29 Jul 2021
Neat idea!
JoAnn29 Jul 2021
Maybe you can say something like "Honey, I don't think they are interested in your stories" Hopefully, the other person will pick up on that and say "George, nice talking to you but I have to run". If its a stranger say "Honey, the repair man needs to do his job. You can talk to him when he is done". Then the repairman can tell him later "sorry sir I have another job to get to or my boss will kill me." Maybe behind ur DHs back you can mouth "Alzheimers" or "Dementia".

You said Mom suffered from ALZ so you are probably aware that his ALZ is probably worsening. That trying to reason with him will have no effect. That he is becoming more self-centered. I believe they become like children. Small children are self-centered. We as parents teach them not to be. But someone suffering from a Dementia cannot be taught or trained. Their short-term memory loss prevents that.

cwillie Jul 2021
I've got a persistent bore in my family who doesn't have the excuse of dementia, he just lacks to insight necessary to understand that other people don't necessarily share his passions. I figure that people need to learn to set their own boundaries, I may break into the spiel with a comment once to give them an opportunity to come up with an excuse and flee, but after that they are on their own.

Riley2166 Jul 2021
I unfortunately live in assisted living but am very high functioning and take care of myself 99.9%. One man kept doing this over and over again - same stories. I just sweetly looked him in the eye and told him he had just told me the story at least 100 times. That stopped him in his tracks. I either got the subjects changed to something new or I excused myself. It worked. I can't stand listening to the same stuff - I go nuts.

LakeErie Jul 2021
Everyone has had experience with these stories and people and have developed their own strategies for escape. No need to worry.

BarbBrooklyn Jul 2021
Other folks can disengage how they see fit. Not up to you.

Llamalover47 Jul 2021
Patwisc: As your husband is the individual with Alzheimer's and more than likely (though I don't really know the receivers' mental states) the listeners are of lucid mind, your husband is doing nothing wrong. He cannot help what he recites orally and his listeners certainly must be aware of that fact.

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