Do I take out a line of credit to keep my mom (92) in her house? Do I pay cash for 3 different caregivers or find a live in?

No! Do NOT go into debt for your mother's care, no matter how much you want to keep her in her home. You could be saddled with debt you may never escape and risk your financial future.

Stop paying her bills. Give her the respect of her paying her own way, if possible. Like protecting your physical and mental and emotional health, you must also protect your financial health.

Like others, I recommend you look into Medicaid and possibly assisted-living for your mother. I understand about you wanting to keep your mom in her home. A social worker or elder care worker in your city/county may give you advice for help in keeping your mother in her home.

No, don't take out a line of credit. No, don't get a live-in. You will still need other aides to cover live-ins time off. Like anyother employee, you can only work them 40 hrs a week, time and a half for overtime. Take out for taxes and SS which you need to match. You should have been doing this with the aides you have. Aides are not considered self-employed.

Its time to consider a nice AL for Mom. The money you have been putting towards round the clock caregivers could have been used for an AL. Lots less stress on your part. There comes a time its not what they want but what they need.

I guess I am a little selfish. It may come from being the Oldest of 4 and a girl. My parents always relied on me. I was there for every hospital visit, every rehab visit. When Mom stopped driving, I took her where she needed to go. No, I did not mind. But it was done when I had the time. My family has known for years, no calls to work unless its an emergency. So when I took Mom into my home it was not thought to be a permanent thing. I found I was not a caregiver. I get overwhelmed and need to be able to step back. So, I placed her in an AL. She transitioned well from her home to mine, from mine to an AL, from AL to a LTC facility.

My parents never said to me "your going to take care of us" or "I want to stay in my home" or did I promise to care for them or help to keep them in their home. I know Mom would have loved to have stayed in her home but thats not how things turned out. I made sure she was cared for by people who know how.

When you say "State help", do you mean Medicaid?

Have you explored eligibility via a Miller Trust or spend down with an eldercare attorney in Connecticut?

If you are thinking about your mom getting a HELOC, I’d suggest that on your next visit into CT you schedule a meeting with a lending officer at her bank to see IF she’d even qualify for a HELOC. They are secured lending & will require repaying within the lifetime of the loan. The rub I’m guessing will be - even if mom has stellar credit - is that at age 92 she is is outside of actuarial tables for risk. For US it about age 83 for white women on avg death. HELOC tend to run 20 years and she cannot fit into 20 yr schedule, or even a 10 yr one as she’s too old.

Now Reverse Mortgages are different, she probably can get one of those. But imho RM are beyond buyer beware. They maybe do 45% on appraised value and your mom as owner still is totally responsible for taxes, insurance, maintenance etc for her lifetime. That house would need to be pretty high $$$$ value to have enough $ to pay for 5 years of inhome 24/7 care PLUS all the property & her day to day living costs. Even if she has a nice monthly income to add to RM $. It’s not unusual for the owner to draw all the $ possible from the RM if they live long enough. What then? Realize the property becomes owned by the RM if she moves to a NH or she dies. Unless family wants to buy it from the RM at 90% of value after her death.

24/7 oversight at home will be very very expensive and should some sort of emergency happen - like a fall - mom will still have to go to the ER. If she hasn’t yet had a fall, it’s going to happen. The $4200, well I’d say it will be closer to $18k a mo to have live-in care plus hire aids so the live-in has their own time off.

The fact that right you / she is paying cash for care has all kinds of tax issues and will face scrutiny should she ever need to apply for LTC Medicaid. IRS considers household workers to be employees & mom is fully responsible for reporting wages and doing FICA and whatever the State of CT has for taxes as well. I’m guessing there is no written & notarized work agreement, no IDs or driver’s license notated by you with any of the workers? Should she run out if $ and needs Medicaid, you as her DPOA will have to show documentation as to all the cash paid to the workers for up to 5 years along with details on the workers so Medicaid can investigate to get beyond a gifting transfer penalty by Medicaid. Moms caregivers - past & present - may not necessarily want to be at all cooperative in all this as it’s been unreported income for them. I’ve gotta ask, where are you finding these caregivers?

Are you at all exploring having mom move into a facility?
Sell house & use $ to get her into private pay facility with amenities?
if not, why not?

If you are currently paying cash, under the table, that will appear as gifting to medicaid and cause problems qualifying. She may very well be charged a penalty, dollar for dollar before she is Medicaid eligible. Are these 1099 contractors? You need to get with an elder law attorney, well versed n Medicaid to try to get this legal.

Room and board for a live in caregiver cannot be considered even partial payment. Caregiver would be on duty 24 hours? Expected to respond to mom through the night?

Is this a case of 'I will keep Mother in her home as long as it is possible' type situation?

If so, I get it. It's loving, respectful & kind.

What are your plans after 'it is possible' runs out? Are you there now/soon?