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ShaneB Asked February 2021

Is anyone else's 88 year old mother being catfished via scammer on Facebook?

I've proven it to her over and over. The scammer she loves is using the face of another person on Facebook. He tells her he loves her, he is on an oil rig in Iceland, he posts no personal photos (except those stolen from the other Facebook person), he gives no details of his current life, he "makes up" poetry for her "from his heart" and I show her where he got them. I've shown her other women who he's used the same opening to engage them: Saw you on Facebook and you look like a nice person, etc.) He has not asked for money yet. My fear is, he will before I can stop it. My siblings have all told her to stop communicating with him -- so now she is hiding it. She told us she stopped communicating (Oh, btw, he doesn't communicate through Facebook now - he only writes her through Google Hangouts, so the conversations are encrypted.) My research shows there is nothing I can do legally until he requests money. At this point, they are just in love with each other. His stolen profile pictures are of a 50+ man but, of course, he says age is just a number. Research also shows that I could be considered just a greedy "child" (at 65) afraid my mother will fall in love and have no money to leave me. She doesn't have that much, but what she has gives her a nice life right now. I want her to be happy and know she is lonely for this companionship, but it's so dangerous and so obvious (to me) a scam, it can't be good. I don't want her to have to hide, so I've stopped telling her to cut off communication in hopes she will confide in me. I'm sick about this and feel helpless. Any suggestions?

Goddatter Jul 2021
Borrow her device to look at it and block him.

GardenArtist Jul 2021
Shane  posted and added an update but that was back in February, 2021.  I wasn't able to find anything indicating she has been back since that time.

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MJ1929 Jul 2021
If it was me, power of attorney of not, I'd quietly put a freeze on her credit with the major credit reporting companies. DO IT TODAY. Cancel her credit cards, too.

As Geaton said, if she's not too far gone with dementia, get her finances in order immediately. If possible, with powers of attorney in place. Don't bring up her Lothario as the reason for it. Tell her you read something on Facebook about how important it is.

If she is too far gone to make competent decisions, get with an attorney to get guardianship.

earlybird Jul 2021
I am not on facebook too much but I do check in with family occasionally. I get these very handsome professional men friending me at times. I have no idea who they are, but I have been a little tempted at times then commmon sense comes into play. LOL. I think there are lots of lonely people on Facebook and they give way too much information for scammers to get a hold of. In the best interest of your mother I would do my best to block that guy. There must be a way. Others might be able to better assist you with advice.
I would report this to Facebook and to the authorities, though. DIshonest people love to scam our elders or anyone for that matter.
Goddatter Jul 2021
On Facebook go to SETTINGS, then Privacy Settings, and switch your options there to limit who can see what you post (such as to Friends, Friends of Friends, but don’t set it to Public), who can see your private information, and who can send you Friends requests.

Avoid posting answers to those “I bet you can’t give a boy’s name that doesn’t have the letter e” and “Find out what your tree personality is” quizzes. Those are spam harvesters trying to get personal information and access to your Friends’ list.
rosey73 Jul 2021
Yes! My mom. And it's awful. I was visiting and tried to take her phone to delete the whatsapp account and google hangouts he had her set up and she punched me in the face! (He connected with her via Facebook and somehow convinced her to move off FB to the other apps. He calls her Darling and Sweetheart and my dad is heartbroken.)
I'm afraid she's already sent him money and my dad is distraught. (He lied that his son needed money for blood, said he's French and stuck with the Taliban. Works for the UN but then he told her he's an orthopedic surgeon. I tried to point out the holes in these stories.)
She won't believe us that he's fake. I'm not sure how to put a stop to this. She hid everything and deleted his number so I couldn't see it to report it.
(My mom is 76 with cognitive decline. I feel particularly helpless. She wouldn't let me near her FB and eventually hid her phone after fighting me for it.)
NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2021
So sad. I am sorry.
MMasonSt Feb 2021
Chances are FB won’t care (doesn’t violate community standards), but report this profile as a scammer. Report it a few times.

It’ll be on record in case someone else reports them. FB may take action then.

NeedHelpWithMom Feb 2021
Your profile states that your mom has cognitive decline.

You’re not interfering, or depriving her of a ‘friendship.’ You are interested in protecting her.

Do whatever it takes to nip this in the bud. Trust your instincts. He’s a SCAM ARTIST!

What would happen if mom would lose her nest egg to this sleazy character? I don’t think you would want to find out the answer to that.

Your mom is lonely and taken in by this man. Sadly, she is delusional.

I find it despicable that people can stoop so low to prey on the most vulnerable people on earth.

God bless the children, elderly, homeless, mentally and physically challenged, abandoned and all vulnerable life. It’s incredibly sad 😞.

ShaneB Feb 2021
Thank you so very much for these helpful and kind responses. I am taking notes and will follow up on every avenue that's opened up to me here. I do not have POA, she has not allowed any of her children shared access to bank accounts and, in fact, when she gets mixed up or in trouble and I "fix" her account, she changes the password after I leave. I've been told in once atty. session that all siblings must be on board to grant guardianship in Florida, and my sister thinks she's fine so will not cooperate. Etc. But there are some things I can do, based on your help, so thank you very much.

MJ1929 Feb 2021
I'd contact the police and ask them their opinions on how to deal with someone doing online grooming of a vulnerable adult.

You can block people on Facebook, so it'd be a good idea to get on her account and do that at least. Don't tell her, but if you can cut off his access bit by bit, it's a start.

Also do all the other things suggested here to secure her bank accounts and assets.

JoAnn29 Feb 2021
My GFs mother, in her late 80s, was very savvy when it came to computers. She taught people how to track their ancestry.

With Facebook you may have been able to report this person. Same with Google.

If u have POA and Moms doctor has found her incompetent to handle her affairs, then in her best interest you maybe able to shut down her credit cards and make it hard to access her bank accounts. I have heard banks shutting down a persons account if they feel something suspicious is going on. Years ago someone was writing checks on my grandmothers account who suffered from ALZ. The bank set up that only my Uncle could sign and he had a number assigned that he included with his signature. If that number was not there, the bank would not cash the check. So you might want to talk to Moms bank to see what they can do to help.

Have you been able to talk/message this person to tell him that Moms family is watching?

I have noticed that I am starting to get friend requests from men my age. Their timeline is very scarce. Mainly just a few pictures. I am over 70 with white hair. This is even after I have set my settings on Facebook to private, friends only. The only thing I haven't shut down is someone being able to "search" for me.

notgoodenough Feb 2021
How about disabling her internet access? Or blocking Facebook? My mom was 86 when she passed, and she was not at all technologically savvy; she would never have been able to figure out how to fix any of that. If she can't communicate with him, he'll move on to someone else.

Geaton777 Feb 2021
Are you her DPoA? If not, I'd try really hard to get her to do this. Maybe set up an appointment with an elder law attorney to discuss "financial planning" and while there the lawyer may suggest creating a PoA (but realize lawyer will have this conversation with her privately, so that she doesn't feel pressured). If she assigns you (or someone) as Durable PoA then make up a therapeutic fib to get her to a doctor for an "annual Medicare required exam". At this appointment discretely give the staff a note explaining your concerns about her dementia. They will gladly conduct a cognitive exam and then it will be in her medical records and the PoA can then legally act to protect her. Every day that passes the phisher gets closer to draining her financially.

If you are joint on any of her accounts, I would be move to protect these funds but be careful not to do anything that could appear as "gifting" on a Medicaid app. Do you have any ability to move her funds to an account that would be more difficult for her to access? Please understand that she is beyond reason so don't waste any more energy on trying to convince her. She's like a teenager in love: the more you try to break the up the more she wants him just because. Ugh...so sorry for this stress. If you have success on any front please come back and give us an update. Wishing you success and peace in your heart.

Grandma1954 Feb 2021
You say in your profile that mom has dementia.
If she has been diagnosed as such you could obtain Guardianship and then you would have control of her accounts so she could not withdraw money if this person(s) ask. (I use the term person because you really have no idea as to the sex or if it is just 1 person or if this is a room full of people)
Discuss options with an Elder Care Attorney. They may advise placing money in a Trust or you or another sibling having control without a Trust.
This might be your only option other than waiting and hoping you do not have to clean up a mess.
BTW..even if she does not send money I hope she does not give out personal info like Social Security Number, Bank info, and any credit card numbers.

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