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Barrito42 Asked January 2021

Should I spend nights in family home?

My sister cares for my dad at home. Carers call 4 times a day to look after his continence needs and assist him to and from bed, as his mobility is very bad. I live nearby and spend every Sunday with him and cook dinner for him after work 3 days a week. He sleeps well at night but my sister has asked me to stay some nights as she sleeps with one eye open just in case something happened. The problem is my sister has huge anger issues and a slight drink problem. It's very hard for me to be around her without getting stressed or upset. As a result, staying the night for me would be awful but I feel guilty about it too. Not sure what to do. Thank you.

JoAnn29 Jan 2021
Get your sister a child monitor. I had mine outside my bedroom door on a table because my Mom snored but I heard her call or get up. If Dad aides come in to do his care, then sister can take naps. I never sleep thru the night and its not because my Mom lives here.

lealonnie1 Jan 2021
I wouldn't spend the night since your father sleeps well, already has carers coming in repeatedly, and considering you spend Sundays with him and also cook for him 3 days a week. If your sister can't manage what's left of his care, it's time to place him or hire overnight carers. I would not be subjecting myself to her drinking and anger issues, if it were me.

Good luck!
Barrito42 Jan 2021
Thank you, it is something I have grappled with it for a long time, the support means a lot. Even on the days I make dinner, I am nervous as my sister is unpredictable. She tends to make dramas about little things and it's difficult not to get caught up. Thankfully she saves the best for our Dad!

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Barrito42 Jan 2021
Thank you very much,I will fill in the profile with more detail

MargaretMcKen Jan 2021
Please can you fill in your profile? Your age, gender, whether you live in your own home with a partner and children? Whether your sister lives alone with your father? Whether all her anger problems are related to alcohol? What the past history of your relationship has been?

It’s just impossible to help without a better idea of everyone’s role in this. For example, if your father 'sleeps well at night', perhaps your sister's own sleeping problems relate to the alcohol, which can mean you go to sleep quickly but then are awake a long time in the night.

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