JustaHuman Asked October 2020

What would you do in this situation concerning my MIL with dementia and our dog?

Hello. We recently brought my mother in law home from a skilled nursing facility due to not being able to visit. We have a two year old English Mastiff who absolutely loves people. She is well trained.
My mother in law never had pets.
I don’t know if it is dementia or just her personality or a mix of both, but
she will engage the dog by talking to her and the dog does not jump or get into her space. She is in a wheelchair so I have worked with the dog not to put her head or paws on anyone.
The last couple of days she is wheeling over to the dog to hit or shove her.
My husband said that he talked to her, but her memory is pretty much toast, so that won’t work.
We have a great dog that I trust, but at the end of the day she is a dog.
I am terrified that the dog could get pushed too far and bite.
Currently I keep the dog by me, but I can’t do that forever and my husband isn’t always diligent in his duties.
Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do?
Thank you!

57 Answers

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I have had, worked with, fostered and placed, volunteered with and trained dogs all my life, and often dogs with a lot of "history" (the Staffies, and etc)
This is an EXCEPTIONALLY dangerous situation. Your Mom should be removed from the home or your dog should while Mom is with you.
The dog will be injured at some point and will react as any animal would. Please address this immediately.
I don't care how GOOD or how TRUSTED or how PERFECT this dog is, this situation is a disaster waiting to happen, and cannot be allowed to go on. It is not fair to make a dog a "yard dog" or a crated dog, especially one of this size.

Helpful Answer (15)

Not all dogs even do well in a yard. I had a greyhound and could not have put him the yard. They can’t tolerate extreme heat or cold for long periods of time. My dogs were always inside dogs.

I was fortunate that he would go hang out in another part of the house when he needed time away. Mom didn’t have dementia and didn’t go after him. So sad that the OP’s mom goes after the dog. Dementia creates all sorts of confusion. It is sad for the mom and the dog.

Greys are a bit different than other breeds. My mom adored him and he loved her but I had to monitor the treats.

It’s very unhealthy for a grey to gain excessive weight due to their body structure. Mom would feed him half of her food if I didn’t keep an eye on them.

With all of your dog experiences Alva, do you have a favorite dog?

(0)

So what are you going to do if she starts hitting you or your husband? You said she has a history of threatening to hit caregivers. Today she’s hitting the dog. Tomorrow she’s hitting you. Are you prepared for that? Because if and when she hits you, you can’t just remove yourself from the equation like you can the dog. I think you need to consider taking her back to the nursing home. Your home is the dogs home. If it’s not create trained, it’s probably not going to be as simple as throwing it in a crate. And your mother can still torment the dog in it’s crate. If you throw the dog outside, you’ll risk upsetting the neighbors if it’s barking incessantly and you could have animal control at your door. I understand why you brought her home but it appears she’s now in an unsafe environment.

Helpful Answer (15)

Your mother n law must go! NOT the dog. Put her back into the facility. She is only going to get worse!!!

Helpful Answer (13)

Ha, that would be MY choice, as well!

(7)

This is sickening to me to read. This woman most likely does not and never did like dogs or animals. Now she has dementia and is harming the dog and if the dog reacts - and it will and should - god help the dog. You have but ONE option and that is you MUST IMMEDIATELY REMOVE YOUR MIL FROM THE PREMISES AND PLACE HER. No one, regardless of why, should harm an innocent animal. Do whatever it takes. Document everything and if possible, get photos to prove what she is doing. Get help from an attorney, the doctor, anyone - but get her out of your home. In the meantime, find a way - you may have to hire a professional to do this - install some sort of "bars" where she is forcibly being kept on one side and the dog has the rest of the house to live in and be free and happy. You must do whatever it takes to make it impossible for her to get near the dog. If you don't do this, I see h*ll in the future for the poor dog. Tell your husband the decision is made - she goes - now. Personally, and I know I can't really do this and get away with it, I'd beat the living s*** out of her and do everything I could to protect the dog. She is deadly poison and a great danger and if she stays, she will destroy not only YOU and the Dog but your marriage. Get her out of there at once no matter what it takes.

Helpful Answer (12)

And I want to add - no baby gates - she can get through them. Put some actual floor to ceiling "bars" with a lock or whatever so it is impossible for her to attack the dog. She is the devil personified....remove her now before it is too late.

(7)

Send her back, keep the dog!

Helpful Answer (12)

The facility probably didn't warn you because they wanted her and her behaviors gone.... Sounds as if you have a great dog; glad you've decided it stays, but maybe MIL goes somewhere again? As someone else said, only a matter of time before it is YOU she is shoving/hitting.

Helpful Answer (11)

Your dog needs to be protected 100%.
Dementia isn't inspiring your MIL to abuse your dog. SHE is intentionally abusing your dog.
MIL needs to be removed immediately, and re-admitted into her previous SNF.
Your "husband," is intentionally enabling her abuse??

MIL, logically can be expected to do the EXACT same deliberate abuse with every living being that she encounters, are YOU next on her list?
Thankfully you don't have small kids within your home.

So sorry that your MIL is intentionally hurting your dog,
" deliberately wheeling over to the dog to hit or shove her."
that's unacceptable.

Helpful Answer (10)

Thank you,..... a voice of reason— mil isn’t a victim, this isn’t dementia- she’s a bully plain and simple

(0)

Have you told her to stop, every single time she heads for the dog?

Quite frankly, I think that hitting a dog or just being mean to one can get you bit and you deserve it dementia or not.

I would tell her to leave the dog alone every time I saw her moving towards her, it is unfair to the dog to be hit and that she could be bit. Every single time!

Helpful Answer (9)

Hi and thank you.
This behavior just started in the last couple of days.
She has a history of threatening to hit caregivers.
We had no idea how far her dementia was because we couldn’t visit her.
I did tell her not to talk to the dog and I moved the dog away from her.

(1)

My daughter rescued a little poodle. He was very sweet. He was an older dog and had been abused.

A woman at the shelter told my daughter not to adopt him because she felt that he could be aggressive.

The dog was not aggressive, he was merely defending himself because he was mistreated in his past.

He had a fractured hip that her vet said had to come from being abused.

You may not agree with me but sometimes I feel that our animals pick us. This dog was instantly at home with my daughter. He trusted her completely.

She adored him and provided a lovely home for him. She recently had to have him euthanatized due to his age related issues. She misses him terribly.

For a tiny toy poodle you should have seen how he protected her!

He would bark at a guy that my daughter was dating because the guy could be a jerk sometimes.

This young man even asked my daughter to get rid of the dog. Well, instead she dumped the guy and kept her dog.

She brought the dog to our home when she visited. She told everyone certain things that the dog didn’t like due to his abuse.

He was cautious around others. He was trained and very smart too but a dog will defend themselves. He liked me. I got along well with him.

My mom kept trying to pet his head and he didn’t like that. I asked mom to stop doing it. Mom didn’t listen and the dog snapped at her.

I did warn her. We were sorry that mom was bitten but she didn’t respect that the dog had been abused and was not comfortable with certain things.

Mom never did it again! But oh my gosh, she played it up telling everyone how temperamental the dog was!

They will bite or snap at someone if they feel threatened or have had enough.

Helpful Answer (8)