Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
C
caring2 Asked October 2020

Whenever I need a break, I have a family member come into town to stay in my home. Am I justified in being annoyed?

While staying in my house, it suddenly gets treated like an Airbnb with their kids and grandkids sleeping over. Am I justified in being a little annoyed and how would you handle this?

Rainmom Oct 2020
If you don’t mind, I have a few questions that would make a difference in my reply.

What’s the relationship of these family members to you and the elder being cared for? Just trying to establish their level of “obligation” - for a lack of a better word - to the elder.

How old are the family members that are coming to caregiver? What’s their own home situation - as in - little kids they have to bring along, empty nesters, etc. Are their kids and grandkids living with them, in other words? If not, just how far is everyone coming for these sleepovers?

How far are they - the caregivers - traveling to get there? How many days are they generally staying? How frequently do these respite breaks happen?

And, lastly - do they need the money?

p.s. Just curious - what’s the attraction
in your area that the relatives are interested in? i.e. - do you live near Disneyland, the ocean, Dollywood..?

Thanks!
caring2 Oct 2020
A sibling comes to relieve me. I look after both parents in their home late eighties early nineties. I live fairly close.
My concern is when the sibling comes from out of town to stay in my home that suddenly my home gets treated as an Airbnb with that siblings children and grandchildren coming from out of town and having a reunion in my home. Money is certainly not an issue for them.
Bridger46146 Oct 2020
If this person is being paid, you set the rules. Your house/mother’s house is not a hotel. They can hold their family gatherings elsewhere.

ADVERTISEMENT


Isthisrealyreal Oct 2020
You can always ask that the house be tidied up before you get home. You can't really expect someone to come from out of town and not see their local family, doesn't even make sense.

If they are doing this for free, you should really consider if this is worth a fight.

How does your mom do with all the company? That would be my only concern.

I wouldn't worry about covid, we are all exposed and quite frankly we have to die some time of something, might as well be happy in the mean while.
caring2 Oct 2020
We are not talking about local family but family coming from out of town to use the place as a free hotel. And the person coming to relieve me gets paid handsomely for this.
sjplegacy Oct 2020
Well, you have to decide what's more important to you... a respite from caregiving or a neat house. Was anything damaged by the kids? If you want both a respite and a neat house when you return you've got to lay down some rules. You can be annoyed but you didn't give them any ground rules.

That being said, it's good you were able to get away. We all need a break. But if you're going to be concerned about the shape of the house when you get back, the time away won't do you much good.
caring2 Oct 2020
Not concerned about the shape of the house. That isn’t the issue. But I will be ready next time with ground rules. Having extra ppl coming to stay for their own little family reunion is the issue. Then there us less time to spend with the elderly. I come home from my respite to stuff that has not been done.
GardenArtist Oct 2020
You definitely are justified, not only in being annoyed, but in concern for your mother, yourself, and even for the relative visitors.   I'm assuming that they don't mask while they're in your home?  

I can't think of a clever way to tell them you've made other arrangements (after you have) b/c of concern for the health of everyone involved, including them, but I'd use the pandemic and the need for extreme caution to let them think you're concerned about their health.  

You don't want to offend the person who was asked, and she/he may be resentful since she/he is coming and presumably staying for free.  So create an excuse that focuses on concern for her/him and the kids.

AlvaDeer Oct 2020
Not acceptable in Covid-19 times. You will not be able to leave if there is no understanding of this.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter