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Sadinlaw Asked September 2020

My MIL has dementia she refuses to see a Dr. I got her a referral to a neurologist how do I get her to go? VERY stubborn. Appreciate advice

I just got her in on Tuesday for her "med refill" they also gave me that referral. Do I tell her ahead of time or wait until we are inside the waiting room? She flat out refuses medical care. She thinks nothing is wrong. I'm kinda new at this. I need advice.

LCPELC Sep 2020
Maybe check reviews on visiting home physicians and ask her about that.

Geaton777 Sep 2020
I agree with GardenArtist about what kind of outcome to you want to see happen? Your profile says you don't have PoA for her (no one has it?). This is a problem because even if you could "trick" her into going to the doc by telling her a "therapeutic fib" like Medicare or SS now requires an annual physical to continue to receive their benefit, if she then gets a diagnosis of dementia in her records she will not legally be able to create a PoA anymore. Without a PoA assigned, the only other option to legally manage her care and finances would be to pursue guardianship through the courts. This is time-consuming and expensive (but if granted I think you can be compensated for it out of her assets, if she has any). If you do not pursue guardianship then the county will get it and they will control every decision and all her assets.

My suggestion would be try to get her to assign a PoA first, then take her in for a cognitive exam by her regular physician, if she has one. Then you will be legally empowered to work in her best interests. Good luck!

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GardenArtist Sep 2020
Ask yourself what you hope to gain - a dementia diagnosis?  Meds to go along with it?   How would it change your plans if she continues to refuse to go?  

The jist of my questions is what would be accomplished by seeing a doctor other than (a) formal diagnosis and/or (b) script for meds.  I'm not being sarcastic; I'm just thinking and wondering how this would change daily life for either of you.

At one point I felt somewhat similar to how you feel, then realized that I wouldn't be treating her any differently if a Dx was positive; it would actually make it easier for me to understand and help her and that's the best part of the situation.

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