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Chris51667 Asked August 2020

Do any of you get accused of ANYTHING by your aging parents/relatives?

I am 53. I have lived my whole life with a brain injury, brain aneurysm, hydrocephalus, and epilepsy. My parents'(80, 79 n' 72) have accused me for years of being argumentative, antagonistic, and negative when I wouldn't do things the way they wanted. I think I have a right to do things differently.

JoAnn29 Aug 2020
Yes, argumentative because you don't agree with them. Just stop arguing. Walk away. Maybe because of your illness they don't think you know whats best. Just don't feed into it. Walk away.

You do have a number of problems that may effect the way you think. My grandson is 26 and was diagnosed with epilepsy at 19. His life has been put on hold. He can work but doesn't drive. His epilepsy is in the Memory/speech part part of his brain. So he has memory loss before and after a seizure. He also suffers from ADD and can't medicate for it because if the seizure meds. He gets it 3 ways. Me, his Mom who is an RN and Aunt he lives with. And when we 3 talk to each other we find we have all told him the same thing and he has forgotten what we said or chose not to follow up and makes things worse for him in the long run. He is scheduled for brain surgery to hopefully cut out the damaged part of his brain. If all goes well, then he can go back on his ADD meds. Once he recovers, hopefully he can get back to work and eventually be able to drive again. For now, we are all doing what we can to get him thru all this.

AlvaDeer Aug 2020
Sure. This is called arguing. Most of us do get in arguments. I think it is especially true of parents and children. Parents have truly a difficult time letting go of children, and recognizing that they are adults now. And children have a difficult time letting go of needing parents to be Leave It To Beaver perfect. It is called normal. So, I congratulate you on being perfectly normal, and your parents, as well. Remember, approaching with gentle firm attitude and a bit of humor can actually help. Do you currently live with your parents? Or are you able to be independent. When you live with parents because of special needs it made the normal boundaries that form on leaving the nest never happen. It makes it a bit more difficult. In so many ways. Wishing you good luck.
Chris51667 Aug 2020
I live with my mother(she has had one stroke since the move), for medical(physical) safety. I was married(1992-2000). But my (ex)wife couldn't cope. I did live with my (ex)fiance out-of-state(2002-2007). She actually cared about my health. Even though she had bipolar(II) disorder.

My health is a big issue. Because, It is so misunderstood. In terms of living with others, I don't have a problem living with others(my mother presently). They have a problem with me. I am not acceptable. Because I don't things the way others do. Following my (ex)wife n' I initially separating. I lived in a house that had multiple leases on the property. In violation of the zoning laws. Also, The owner tried to blame me for a fire on the property. Which was caused by someone else.

I do have a friend in California(I am in North Carolina). I have told her about my chronic health. She is accepting of me. She has diabetes and is diagnosed with bipolar(II) disorder.

Independence is subjective. I don't want to live with someone like my (ex)wife.

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CTTN55 Aug 2020
From your profile: "I am caring for my mother Margaret Anne, who is 79 years old, living in my home."

Why is your mother living with you, considering your health issues? What kind of care does she require?
Chris51667 Aug 2020
While she knows about my health. She recently had a stroke.
Ideas4u Aug 2020
Any parent who has an adult child still living at home is going to argue about anything. Especially if its a long period of time. To you they attack you repeatedly on things that you feel makes sense. To them they think you have a rebellious attitude and never listen or respect them. Its unavoidable while years ur still there. Unless you can tell them reasons why you do things your way and they in turn understand those reasons... Its going to continue. Try communication in a different way. If they think you scream or you choose not to listen as soon as their voice is raised then try to write down issues and the reasoning for your decisions and have them respond in writing. Then together come up with a compromise. Good luck!
Chris51667 Aug 2020
Agreed.

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