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SevenofSeven Asked August 2020

Should I take Executor Fee? I’m the youngest of 7 girls and my mom recently passed away. I’m afraid it will cause chaos.

Only reason I’m Co-Executor is because none of my other sisters wanted the burden. (note: eldest sister n I are 14 yrs apart.) My sister who is also co-executor basically has her name but I did majority of work. I normally would never take money from my mom - as the baby of the family I figured I’m doing this for my mom. My mom passed away November 2019 and we are finally closing escrow on her million dollar house. Her will stated to divide shares equally amongst her 7 daughters. I’ve tried my best to be fair but I’ve come across so many obstacles. (1) my nephew wanted to purchase the house cheap (less then $200k of what we got) - I along w/ some sisters said no - thinking my mom has 14 grandkids and why should only one benefit besides the Will said to split amongst 7 sisters. So now my sister and nephew will probably never speak to me again. (2) my other sister wanted her husband to be our realtor so he could get commission- I didn’t want to involve family but the sister who was son didn’t get the house already told my brother in law to be realtor - so he was but there was no progress for 70 days - my BIL sucked at his job - and my mom has reverse mortgage and we only have one year to sell before house goes to foreclosure. So I felt like we had to do something - so we hired a new realtor we got the house sold above asking price at $1.1M. Meanwhile my sister who is married to realtor has made my life a living hell. She has said such horrible things to me saying I broke our family, cussing me out via group text msgs and she has threatened to sue me. She called my realtor and told him she will file a lawsuit if we sell house w/o her permission. She thinks she has to sign paperwork to sell house because my mom left house to all 7 of us. She’s so stupid not realizing that is why my mom appointed her successor trustees (my sister and I as Co-Executors). So I tried my best to bite my tongue and just go forward with the sale of the house. Every one of us will be receiving $20k more then we would have if we sold it to my nephew and I know the house would still be for sale if my BIL sold it (note his realtor ID online shows last real estate Transaction was 2014). I even asked my sister if the reason she is suing because she and her husband are not getting extra money from his commission- she said yes.
And the worst part is out of 7 daughters these two hardly ever saw my mom - one lived 5 minutes away and the other greedy one would only visit if she used my mom's money to rent a car.
Note I live the farthest from all my sisters (over an hour away), but I had to see my mom every week no matter what - I would take the ferry, subway, Uber rain or shine.
I just don’t know what to do about the Executor fee compensation. It was a lot of work plus we had to remodel home and I’ve spent so many hours dealing w/ sale of house and taking care of finances etc. The other sister who is co executor barely did anything. And honestly money to me is the root of all evil - but our accountant said the the fees total up to $20k. I feel like that’s too much, but I just don’t think my 2 sisters deserve any more then they deserve. However I know this would cause more chaos amongst us girls. Honestly the those two have said such mean horrible things to me that I really don’t want to see or speak to them again. My mom just died - and all they care about is the house and money. But I feel guilty getting compensated and splitting it w/ sister who really didn’t do much. Any advice?

AlvaDeer Aug 2020
ABSOLUTELY YES take the fee. Absolutely YES!!!! As someone else here says. Full Stop.
First of all, Sisters who act in this manner will have ZERO respect for you if you do NOT. You can bet they WOULD. They will think you are only stupid not to take it. So don't expect a thanks from them, or anything else.
Take the fee and don't act for a single second that you ever thought to do anything else, and take as much of a fee as you are able to.
Sorry, but it infuriates me. I just am almost finished with a year acting as POA and Trustee for my Bro and now settling out the simplest estate and Trust every created. And even at THAT it is work.
TAKE THE FEE.

gladimhere Aug 2020
You did a great job in a very difficult and dysfunctional situation. By all means pay yourself the 20k. It is obvious why mom asked you to do this job. You had the strength to complete the job in spite of the threats from, especially greedy sister. Your mom put that fee in the trust because she knew the work and pressures that would be placed upon you.

And 20k? Yes every dime. Sit down, figure out how many hours you have spent on the task. Then take those hours an multiply by $300.00/hour. If you had not been able to stand up to sisters an attorney would have been needed. Think of the difference between the 20k and what an attorney would have made as a bonus to your sisters. A gift. And make sure you tell them thanks for nothing.

And when it comes right down to it, that is only an additional 3k for each of you.

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gridprice Aug 2020
Take the fee. You have no control over the behavior of other family members; they are going to think whatever they think and do whatever they do. They are not your responsibility.
You've done the job you were assigned to do, to the very best of your ability. You've earned the compensation. That's why a fee for the executor exists: it's hard work and the person who does it should be paid.
Best of luck; you are dealing with a lot, but family members personal issues shouldn't be one of the things you have to "fix" along with everything else you're handling.
My condolences on the loss of your mother.

GardenArtist Aug 2020
If you're worried about causing chaos, I think that's already started, as have personal attacks.  

It seems to me that the family have $$$ in their eyes, and whatever you do, someone's going to be offended.    But remember that you're acting on behalf of your mother.   And you have to find the best transactions and deals, and that doesn't include giving a nephew a discount, or hiring a realtor with a poor track record.

As to splitting it with your sister, if she's been helping, she should have documented her actions and time, just like attorneys do.  That's what I did for the first Trust I administered, and what I do now.  It can be a burden as it requires a lot of timekeeping, but it's necessary.

I hope you've done that, but if not, try to recap as best you can, especially as to expenses incurred.

From what you've written, there's already friction in the family with people looking to see what they can get.  If you give in, they'll know they can win, and this may not be the last time they try to get their own way.

Just make sure you've got all the expenses documented.
MargaretMcKen Aug 2020
Time, not just expenses.
MargaretMcKen Aug 2020
Take the money for doing the job. The sh** has already hit the fan. Not getting paid won’t make anyone love you. Remember your mother, and use the fee you have earned to do something that she would want you to enjoy.
earlybird Aug 2020
Well said, Margaret!
earlybird Aug 2020
SevenofSeven,
Take the fee. Divide the money as your mom wished, and don't worry about the in-law realtor. I am a believer that in-laws should stay out of family business. It is sad your family can't put these things aside to grieve your mothers death and be supportive during this most difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sorry for your loss of your dear mother and wishing you peace and strength.
Isthisrealyreal Aug 2020
Whats the difference between inlaws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted!
JoAnn29 Aug 2020
Take the fee. An Executor is entitled to it. We didn't net much from my Moms house, so I didn't take mine. I was compensated though by my brothers allowing me to keep 5k in shares. I had done all the caring for my Mom.

You were right in not allowing family to be involved in buying or selling of the home. Its kind of a catch 22. Damned if u do, damned if u don't. Did u have a contract with BIL? If not then he doesn't have a leg to stand on. He didn't sell the home he doesn't deserve the commission. There will be an accounting that all the beneficaries will need to sign before Probate can be closed. They can contest but it will hold up the money.
Isthisrealyreal Aug 2020
Even with a contract they don't have a leg to stand on. Most contracts specifically address non performance as a reason to terminate the contract.

The proof is in the actual facts of what happened.

I would tell them that I would see them in court and counter sue for the threats and intimidation as well as non performance for personal gain. Counter suits usually stop frivolous actions by others using the legal system to bully.
Tothill Aug 2020
Yes, you take the fee. Divide it with the co-executor. If possible divide it based on the amount of work you each did.

Countrymouse Aug 2020
Your job as executor is to follow your mother's instructions as laid out in her will together with whatever other directions support it.

So do that, and take the fee as correctly calculated, and split it with your sister as also directed. To do anything else would be wrong - wrong, as in, not what your mother wanted to happen AND put her name to.

Jamesj Aug 2020
Everyone has their hand out, but no one wants to do any of the work.  That is a very familiar cord with most of us.  Odds are those sisters are not going to be involved in your life much once the estate is settled anyways.  Take the fee and be done with it.  You have earned it.

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