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kat1944 Asked June 2020

Elderly mother in law causing problems; any advice?

My husband and myself live with my 83 year old Mother in Law, She has become verbally abusive to me, she says lies about me and I tell her to stop and she continues to yell at me. I had to call my husband to talk to her when she accused me of stealing from her and she yelled at both of us then tried to hit him. He had to restrain her and take her back to her room and she yelled and screamed but eventually calmed down. She has never approved of me and has been verbally abusive to me since we moved in with her over a year ago. I am getting so angry with her lies and verbal abuse, my husband says to ignore her, but it is hard. She sometimes cancels Dr appts, so my husband has not able to speak to her primary Dr in private. I think she may have dementia, and I am worried she could become violent and may need AL but my husband wants to keep her at home as long as possible, due to the cost.
Please help, this is affecting my marriage

Screennamed Jun 2020
Truthfully, the best option is to vacate that situation, with or without the husband. It seems that, your husband has choosen his mother, over you unfortunately.

Based on your husband's response your MIL has been that way she is for her entire life, He is too accustomed to everything, and willing to sacrifice your well-being to placate his manipulative mother.

All in all You will either:
1. leave, (after finding a new place to live).
2. stay to be abused and/or possibly accused of committing crimes against the MIL.

It's your choice, choose wisely.

peace416 Jun 2020
You moved in with her over a year ago. Have you and/or your husband found work since? I know now is not a great time to look for a job due to the virus but I would try my best to find something so that you can earn $$ to move out to a place of your own. Above all do not stay in a situation where you are living with an abusive person - verbally and physically abusive. Does not matter that the person is your MIL or your own parent.

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MichaelEzekiel Jun 2020
Hi kat! Sounds horrible.... How good are you on a computer? Could you work online and make money to move, also be "working", so not available to your MIL? Rat Race Rebellion site has lots of jobs, almost all vetted to see if they're ok.

ZippyZee Jun 2020
Move

WIth or without husband

Countrymouse Jun 2020
If your MIL never approved of you, how did it come about that you and your husband moved into her house?

I don't know if he's the chief decision-maker in all this, but if he is then your husband has to understand that he can't just move people into your mother's house and insist that she likes it, and that you put up with the fallout when it turns out that she doesn't like it and is abusive to you.

This must be horrendously stressful. Where were you living before? Can you move back there?
kat1944 Jun 2020
Unfortunately for financial reasons, I had to leave where I was living before, I had been laid off and so was my husband. She had invited us to move to her home as she could not afford her expenses on her own. My husband is her caregiver and seems not to want to rock the boat with her when she gets angry. He says we just have to make the best of it and I told him if she lies about me again, and he doesn't speak to her, I will, I am afraid she will try to strike my husband or myself next time .

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