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beejaycee Asked June 2020

Should I leave Mom alone in her room if that is what she wants?

Mom is 97 and has been living with my husband and I for over 5 years. We have always made her feel welcome and enjoyed having her with us. Over the last couple of months she has declined rapidly. Mom has been on Hospice so I feel we have a great support system to help us through this final phase of her life. She insists on spending all day in her bedroom alone either lying or sitting on the edge of her bed, sleeping a lot of that time. When I encourage her to come out for meals or just to spend time in the sunroom with me she refuses. Yesterday I helped her into the transport chair and wheeled her out there to have something to eat. She did eat a little but then wanted to go to bed. She tells me she likes being back there because no one is there. She prefers I not even sit with her. I check on her often, but feel guilty leaving her all alone. If I go in to be with her, she doesn’t say anything, but gets agitated. Is it OK to leave her be now in this time of transitioning?

Midkid58 Jun 2020
Absolutely. Leave her be.

People deserve the right to die in the manner they choose, if at all possible. Don't push your desires on to her. She is moving from this world to the next and in a comfortable, loving situation. Let her have her peace.

Good Luck to you as you care for her in this difficult time.

lealonnie1 Jun 2020
Why would you feel guilty for granting your mother's wishes during this transitional period of her life????????? Don't impose YOUR version of how things 'should be' on her........instead, accept HER version of how things 'should be' and step back. Solitude is what she's needing and wanting at this time, and I'm quite sure it has nothing to do with you personally, but with her coming to terms with her last days on earth.

Wishing you peace and sending you prayers as you both accept this phase of your lives. All the best.

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funkygrandma59 Jun 2020
It sounds like that is her way of dealing with her up coming transition. Every one deals with grief differently and she might be grieving the life she had and will be leaving. It's my understanding that people often shut their loved ones out as death is near, so don't feel bad. Give her her space and time, and just let her know that you are near if she needs you. You've done a great job taking care of her for the last 5 years. Please don't take it personal that she now wants this time alone. It's just her way of processing everything that's going on with her right now. And remember she is really never alone. Her Heavenly Father is always right by her side. Praying for God's peace to cover you during this time.

vegaslady Jun 2020
Yes, it's OK.

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