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LS2234 Asked April 2020

When do you throw in the towel?

I have been friends with Richard for nearly 20 years. In 2018 he gave up his house and moved in with his youngest son and family. That turned out poorly. In August of that year he asked me to start coming over to help him at their home. By November they had asked him to leave. We moved him to his current studio apartment, where I have continued to help him. When he first moved here he was still somewhat independent, got around with the aid of his rollator, could still walk over to check his mail. Slowly he is getting weaker, and now he is having memory problems. This past week has been very stressful for me. I do not trust the adult son's wife, but someone besides ME needs to step up and start managing his bills and such. Up to now, he would have me login to his bank, use bill pay, or give me his ATM card to go take care of things like groceries. I was fine with that, but Monday he gave the card to the son "for safekeeping" and then forgot he had done so. He wanted me to pay his phone bill, but could not find the card. I went through the whole place including trash, only to have him text the son and ask where the card was. Son just left after dropping the card off.....I feel like he is losing trust in me, and may begin accusing me of mishandling his funds. The son has already shown he can't be trusted, when their Mom died she left money for all 3 sons, two of whom are mentally challenged. The youngest was appointed trustee, and somehow managed to get ALL of the funds transferred to himself, using the money to put the downpayment on his current house.

LNReason Apr 2020
If you can't wring the towel out - it's too heavy. I hope you know who APS is? I don't. Seriously, you're kind to do what you have been doing. I have walked away from similar situations as my own is enough to handle. I do, however, keep in touch by calling and dropping by etc.
Isthisrealyreal Apr 2020
Adult Protective Services
lealonnie1 Apr 2020
I think you throw in the towel NOW, immediately. If Richard is developing dementia, paranoia goes with the territory. So it's entirely possible (and even probable) for him to start accusing you of stealing from him and/or misappropriating his funds, etc. Since you have no POA for him, nor are you a family member, you should remove yourself from being a care taker for him at this time, in my opinion. You can always chat with him on the phone as his friend, of course, and check in on him that way down the line, but handling his financial affairs sounds like it can end badly.

If you feel that the youngest son is mishandling his father's money, by all means call APS and report Richard as a vulnerable senior, and his son for taking advantage of him.

Wishing you the best of luck moving forward.

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Isthisrealyreal Apr 2020
Please contact APS and report a vulnerable senior.

This man needs to be cared for by professional help and not family that could potentially harm him in any way.

I know it is hard, but he needs more care now and this is how you can best help him.

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