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LoveMom2020 Asked January 2020

When she gets up in the mornings now she gets upset and angry saying this is not her home. I try to tell her this is your home. Any ideas?

I show bedroom pictures that are on the walls. We walk through the house room to room, back yard, front yard but its not working. Thank you for your time.

Tiredandweary Jan 2020
Take it as a blessing since it will help you feel less guilty if you need to place her in a facility at some point. My mom didn't recognize her own home either. She thought she was in a facility. That was a real mind blower for us in the very beginning of this disease, before we even knew she had dementia! How could someone not recognize where they had lived for the past 40 years?!!! When it got too much for us, mentally, emotionally and physically, to try to keep her at home, we decided if she didn't know she was already there, it wouldn't be a big deal to move her to memory care, which we did.

lealonnie1 Jan 2020
Rather than trying to explain why this is her home, you should try redirecting your mother to another activity such as getting a snack, taking a walk, looking at photos, or folding towels or washcloths. It's unlikely you'll get her to understand that she's already in her home, because her reasoning skills are now gone. Changing the subject is a much better approach than trying to explain the situation. There are many ways for a dementia sufferer to express anxiety, and this is perhaps one of them.

A good method of comfort for many women is to have a baby doll to hold and cuddle. Lots of women (mostly) enjoy swaddling the baby dolls and rocking them; caring for them as they once did as young mothers. This may provide your mother some comfort and is definitely worth a try!

Also, it's a good idea to check out this website for lots of useful information & tips about Alzheimer's and dementia:

https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/what-is-alzheimers

Best of luck!

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lynn59 Jan 2020
hi LoveMom2020, I would do the same thing with my mom, show her every photo, say see mom this is your dresser, etc.. she just passed in Dec. I never thought about doing what cwillie suggested, That is a great suggestion.. "I know it's not your home mom but it's where we live now, or it's where we are staying let's go check out the kitchen.." I wish I would've had this answer 5 months ago. hugs, prayers and best of luck to you LoveMom!

cwillie Jan 2020
Showing her that everything is in the same place as it was yesterday isn't helping because the home she has in her mind isn't the one she is living in now- in her mind she may still be a child in her parent's home, or a young wife in her first home, or any of the other times and places from her past. Instead of trying to convince her figure out a way to placate and redirect her - "oh, isn't this a nice comfortable place though? Did you sleep well? Come on to the kitchen and we'll get some breakfast". Easier said than done I know.

NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2020
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I only have experience with my godmother dealing with Alzheimer’s. She eventually had to go into a nursing home.

Others on this site have Alzheimer’s parents at home and they can advise you how they handle situations like yours.

Best wishes to you. Stick around. There are lots of helpful people on this site.

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