This has been a constant problem... if she hears one of us use the restroom, she will be fine for HOURS, then the second we close the door she has to go, and multiple times. We live in an apartment with two bed rooms and a living room and I live in the living room, so I very rarely have privacy. Like... once a month for a few hours.. other than when they are asleep but obviously they can walk into the living room any time to get into the kitchen.
For example today... she was fine, went to the bathroom, and hung out with my sister and I for an hour or so, and then I started preparing my shower, (getting my face masks, towel, change, etc) as I go in to place my towel the door is open and I see my grandma on the toilet.. fine... I wait.. then I enter. I love my bathroom time it’s one of the only sacred times I have with myself, so I’m washing my face mask off, I finally have my clothes off for more than five minutes, she knocks again... okay FINE... ten minutes later I am shaving and then AGAIN!!!
This happens so often that it drives my mother and I up the wall... she guilts us into opening the door, even if we are mid BM! If we don’t come out exactly when she wants, she has set up her toilet/5 gallon bucket in her room to go then.
On several occasions I have listened outside the door, and I hear her barely tinkle... sometimes she does pass something but it’s hardly a complete pass,
and it is no fail!!! We have tested our theories and yes, she is deliberately going when we have to go. Idk if it’s a reflex thing, psychological in some way I’m sure, but to the extent that she will pass anything at all?!! Is this normal for dementia, or is it a part of some OCD reflex?? Sometimes, she really will have an accident, although rare, it happens more than we are proud of, but we can’t rush our own bodies sometimes...
I also suffer from schizoaffective disorder so sometimes I need these times alone to myself... not once have they gone interrupted. multiple times...
I feel like I’m abusing my grandma into pooping herself sometimes when I literally can’t stop myself to let her in...
What do we do!??

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Can someone take her out of the house a few days a week so you can have a shower in peace and time alone? It must be awful sleeping in the living room. Maybe there is an adult dementia care activity center by you that she could spend a few hours at. That would give you relief. You do need some moments to yourself.
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Trying to 'tackle' dementia behavior is an exercise in futility. Nothing makes sense, and the more you question a behavior, the worse it seems to get. The thing to do is to make accommodations for grandma instead, like getting her a commode she can use when the bathroom is in use. If she's unable to hold it in while you're in the bathroom, and isn't using the commode, then she'll need to wear disposable adult briefs like Depends to capture the 'accidents' as they happen. This is usually a necessity at some point with dementia anyway.

Best of luck
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This would drive me NUTS! (I will tell you that I chuckled a bit). Oh my! These old folks!
Pretend you are going to use the bathroom to get her to go. Then go shower in there. Get her a bedside commode.
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Dementia is a degenerative brain disease, you can't expect her to be reasonable and you can't look for logical reasons or solutions.

Another idea would be to take her to the bathroom before you go there yourself, then you would at least know that it is safe to ignore her on the other side of the door.
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Put a commode in her room instead of a 5 gallon bucket.
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Bgstars89 Jan 2020
I didn’t know that was what it is called.. and that it came much more mobile than other things I have looked up (big huge heavy duty looking things)..
that is a good alternative.. but we still want to tackle what this behavior is actually about to.. it’s definitely beyond “hearing the faucet run”... at least I believe so
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