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Acv788 Asked November 2019

Need care options for incapacitated mother who refuses to follow instructions.

My mother has lived with me and my son for a few years. A little over two months ago she fell and broke her hip. At first everything was going ok and she was released to a rehab facility. After a few weeks there she dislocated the same hip because she was moving around without assistance. Went back to the hospital where it was discovered she developed MRSA. Since then her mental state has declined and she refuses to take her medications and follow care instructions. She continues to try and get out of bed on her own, to the point she fell and broke her other hip. I am trying to care for her but she absolutely refuses to follow her care instructions. She is currently back in the hospital awaiting discharge to yet another rehab facility. I have missed so much work over the last two months that my stress level is through the roof. All she wants is to come home, but until she can walk unassisted that just is not an option. I don’t know where to turn for resource information.

TNtechie Nov 2019
The hospital social worker (SW) should be a resource for placing your mother back in rehab and most rehabs have their own SW to help plan homecoming or further placement The Area Agency on Aging (AAA) also has social workers than can assist you in placement (including financing) and care options (like adult day care) when the time comes your mother is ready to return home.

It's possible your mother's disagreeable behavior and attempts to get out of bed are being fueled by the infection or maybe even the infection combined with medications and/or the hospital setting; all have been known to impact mental status in the elderly. If she has short term memory problems, like my mother, she may forget the hip is injured and wake from a short nap and just start to get out of bed. I placed a pair of bed assist rails (one at the top and another at the bottom) on my mother's bed with her walker placed between them. This slows her down a bit and when the bell I hook on the walker rings I know she's on the move. She can get out of the bed before a pressure bed monitor would go off but I usually hear the bell or she calls out asking for help to "get this thing out of my way".

Ahmijoy Nov 2019
I agree with againx100. If you bring Mom home, your stress level will be in the stratosphere. She cannot be left alone and in-home care is very expensive. You’ll have to keep leaving work to check on her and you could lose your job. Employers are only understanding up to a point. The facility will do everything they can to send her home with you. Don’t do it. Get on the social worker and insist they find alternative care for her.

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againx100 Nov 2019
This sounds very challenging.

Sounds like she may be having some cognitive issues keeping her from doing the reasonable thing and NOT getting out of bed on her own.

Unless she is "better" I would NOT take her back home no matter how much she says she wants it. You can not continue to take care of her at this level until and unless she can seriously improve her behavior, which may not be possible.

She is not safe at your house. I know she's not really safe anywhere at this point, but at least there is a much better chance that she'll be less likely to fall again in a facility. I'd work with rehab to see where she can go next until she is safe to be home (if that can happen).

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