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grammyshelper Asked October 2019

What a way to go.....

Hey fellow caretakers,


I wanted to share the ending to my caretaking journey with my grandmother. I haven't posted much on here but boy have I read a lot! I have learned so much from all of you and thanks for all the helpful advice that is provided here. This forum help me when I suffered caretaker burnout (which by the way is very serious). Please pay attention to your stress levels and do what you can to get much needed breaks. I refused help from others because I felt it would interrupt how I wanted things done because after all I had the responsibility of her care 24/7. I was wrong for doing that. If you are in a similar position please reconsider pushing people away. It might be somewhat of a nuisance to "entertain" people when they come to your home to visit the loved you but it is best to relieve yourself. I don't know how I did it for almost 2 years but I did and now it is over.....


Grams had vascular dementia and was incontinent and slightly able to stand with assistance, She came in and out of lucidness many times and at times she had a lovely sense of humor and at others she was not so pleasant. She had episodes of extreme paranoia that were almost mentally unbearable. The kind where you want to throw the towel in and run.


Fast forward to October 27 2019 5pm we were headed to her birthday party with all the family waiting. Gram was alert and very talkative. She seemed to be having a good time at the party. We went home and gram settled in for some price is right. Everything normal. We did her nightime ritual and she even ate a snack and off to bed we all went. My husband doing his nightly check on gram he felt something was not right. He turned on the light and realized gram wasn't breathing. He woke me up panicking and I ran to see what was going on. Gram was gone. A little after midnight, and that was it. She literally made it through to her 100 birthday.


It has only been a couple of days but I have crazy emotions guilt that I could've done better, sadness that she is no longer alive and relief that the journey has come to an end. I love her and miss her and she is finally my grandma again.

Countrymouse Nov 2019
In her own bed, after her 100th birthday party, celebrated by her family, having enjoyed a light snack and her tv show to round the day off. If that isn't the happiest ending ever I just can't imagine what could be.

Even so, of course you won't miss her any the less. Wishing comfort to you and your family.

Pasa18 Oct 2019
Happy 100th to your grandmother. May she rest in peace and may you find strength after this journey with her.

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Rosered6 Oct 2019
I'm sorry for your loss, and I thank you for sharing this description of your grandma's final moments.

Rbuser1 Oct 2019
So sorry for your loss. Prayers for your family and loved ones. I know it's just a saying but try and remember the good days, and may they help you through this difficult time.

bicycler Nov 2019
Grammyshelper, you said it well with "What a way to go." Thank you for sharing that experience. I understand your "crazy emotions" of guilt and sadness, but, most importantly, that she is finally your grandma again. Sounds like you did well for her. After more than seven months since my dad died at age 97 (thought pretty sure he'd make 100, like your grandma), like you, I still have "crazy emotions," but they are mostly decreasing in frequency and intensity, and yours will, too. Kudos for being a great caregiver.
grammyshelper Nov 2019
Thanks for the kudos, caretaking is a difficult thing to do.Kudos to you too for taking care of your dad. Cheers to caretaking and the aftermath. Better days ahead.
Geaton777 Oct 2019
May you have peace in your heart and be comforted by the memories of your grammy. Please come by the forum and provide more of your hard-earned wisdom to others who are just beginning their journey. Blessings!

sandy1955 Nov 2019
What a lovely day she had. Spending time with those she loved at a party . Then home to rest and enjoy the home that you and your hubby provided for her. Then peacefully sleeping and transitioning from this world. I know she loved you very much . My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Isthisrealyreal Nov 2019
I am sorry for your loss.

You have no reason to feel guilty, please don't entertain that lying emotion.

May God grant you grieving mercies and comfort during this time.

She was blessed to have you and your love. I personally think that I would like to have my last day be as lovely as hers was. What a great way to go. You did yourself proud.

Hugs! Thank you for sharing your story, it is beautiful and poignant.

earlybird Nov 2019
Sorry for the loss of your grandmother. Hold on to those special memories. I am so glad you, and the rest of the family were able to celebrate her special 100th birthday. Wow! She went peacefully in her sleep, that is a blessing. Thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. Hugs to you.
grammyshelper Nov 2019
cherokeegrrl54 Nov 2019
grammyshelper.....youre right, what a way to go! Please be gentle with yourself, take time to grieve, get help if you need it. She is now free from pain, illness....in a much better place. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. With love and prayers for you, Liz

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