Follow
Share

My husband has just been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. It has spread to his brain and shoulder and some of his bones. He has so much depression over his diagnosis after being a very proactive health person and has given up and is refusing to eat or hydrate. He has lost over 60 pounds. How long can this lack of eating and drinking during the day go on before he has an Organ shut down? Does anyone have a similar situation? He is 6’2”and 146 pounds he is doing immunotherapy treatment but they told him that they would stop it if he did not try on his end because the therapy treatment would not be as effective. I take care of him 24 hours a day at home and have no problem doing that, but I am basically sitting on the other couch watching him waste away to skin and bones. It’s heartbreaking I would have thought after 32 years of marriage he would have fought a little harder to stay with me. I guess no one can tell what they would do unless they are in that situation so I am not judging him, it is just very difficult to work so hard on my end and not get the results on his end. My mother who is 87 also helps me, she is in good health and my sister who’s 62 is a lifesaver because I could not shower him without her. He requires two people to hold him up because he has so many things at one time you would not believe it. He has a neuroma in his ear which was treated, he had his brain and his shoulder radiated, they found he had a metastasized tumor in his shoulder after complaining about shoulder pain for a year that the doctors did not diagnose until it was stage four lung cancer. He cannot walk because of the imbalance from the neuroma. He got facial paralysis from the neuroma. He lost hearing which is permanent after cyber knifing the neuroma. Can’t eat because of the facial paralysis can’t see out of the eye with the facial paralysis can’t speak he had the most beautiful Barry White voice which has been gone since last year. It’s just crazy. I can’t believe this all happened to him and nobody caught any of this. I still will never believe that you can go to stage 4 with no indication and not know any of the numbers in between no one will ever convince me of that. I just believe that all these people were taking their share and not paying attention, but that being the case I’m just worried about the eating right now and the hydration. Anyone have any thoughts?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I was with my sister as she went through evaluative tests before a lung transplant and the process included deciding on a feeding tube because of her weight loss. She listened to the input of several close friends and family in making her decisions to fight while still realizing she may not make it. The hardest time is watching someone you love go through so much and not be able to do anything but be there for them. Whatever my sister decided along the way, I supported. She made it clear that it was her decision to make and not anyone else's which I respected to the end. You may feel like your husband is giving up, but your 32 year marriage and support of family during his illness is a testament to a life well lived.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Pasa,

I love what you said about their marriage. It’s so true. Quite a testament indeed. You made me smile in the midst of a very sad situation.

So sorry about your sister. I watched my brother die. It’s hard. Never an easy thing to do.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
Deanna it's Donna Gary's showering partner, your sister and a very loving sister in law to Gary.
We all have to unfortunately realize that Gary has moved on from life as he's known it. I truly believe that he loves you so very much he doesn't want anyone to see him like this and doesn't want you to spend every moment of your days shadowing his existence. This is not the man he was and he does not want us to remember him in what he has become.
We have to respect his decision and he's lack to fight.
I can't imagine our life without him. I am very sad and there is never a single moment in my life 24/7 that he's not on my mind. I love you Deanna and I will always be by your side.
We will get through this TOGETHER. God Bless my family
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
What a blessing you are to your sister and BIL.

May God richly bless your family during this time and if it be His will may Gary receive a full healing on this side of his journey.

I wish we all had a supportive loved one like you. Hugs!
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
Deanna, your husband is clearly very very ill with cancer that will almost certainly be terminal. You are shocked and angry that things weren’t found earlier, while DH has given up and is making his own decision by refusing to eat and drink. I was very sad to read your wish that “he would have fought a little harder to stay with me”. You must be overwhelmed by the total change in circumstances, and it is understandable that you feel bitter about the medical professions. I hope that you can find some peace within yourself, so that you and your husband can face together what is coming. Many of us would say something like a quick passing is in both your best interests. Even if that’s not how you feel, try not to blame your husband for his decision, even though it means leaving you a little sooner. Perhaps making it quick is the way he is trying to show how much he loves you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Deanna, what do the doctors say is his prognosis for surviving all of this? It sounds as if you have been hung out to dry with little information and assistance. I think it’s time to ask the doctors some hard questions. If he is not getting proper nutrition and hydration, I think you know how this will end, per your question of how long will it last. Have you asked your husband End of Life questions? Will the immunotherapy cure him or just prolong his misery?

Your husband’s depression is understandable given everything that he has endured and he may have decided on the course of the rest of his life without actually stating it to you. I know this is heartbreaking. I am so sorry you are going through this.

To answer your question: Not long. You may want to call hospice to get their help with some services that may help all of you. I wish we had called them much earlier than we did for my father. I think he might have lived longer and with less discomfort.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Have you talked to him? I mean the down and dirty talk about dying? Ask him what he wants. If he wants this thing that has become his life to just end then pursue hospice. Support whatever he wants, because everything you described, his life as he knew it is over, he may not want the alternative he now has. He may be trying with treatment for you. It has to be devastating to have this happen.

I know that he isn't the only one that got cancer, you both did, so have that hard conversation about letting go or fighting, but enough half azzed attempts. If he is going to fight he needs to fight with everything he has, if not, find a way to accept his choice and find as much joy as you can in the time he has left.

I had a friend that had the same situation, my MIL went through it, I am not a doctor but certain symptoms ring bells for me, what is wrong with these doctors that ignore common symptoms of life destroying diseases. It is shameful that the 3rd leading cause of death in the united states is medical errors. Your story is part of that statistic.

I am so sorry for your husband and you, this is such a difficult situation. I pray that The Lord leads both of you and grants your husband his health. Hugs!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I’m so sorry. That is devastating for you. It’s so hard to watch someone withering away. I wish I had an answer. You’re right. He is giving up.

I guess all you can do is show him your love which you already are doing.

What does the doctor say about everything? Are you able to get help from hospice?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter