How do I convince mom she needs in home care 1 or 2 days a week to shower? She keeps saying "I'll be ok I can do it I don't need help."

Sorry for your loss. I would not rush things too much since her world has just substantially changed. If the facility says she must move, then, so be it, it's got to be done and she will have to deal with it the best she can.

Falling twice in a week isn't so great. Did she get injured?

Perhaps a theraputic lie could help get her to move in AL. How are her mental capacities? Will she KNOW she's in AL if you don't tell her? Will she "buy it" if told something like, they need to renovate your apt so you need to move to this new room?

Good luck.

Places that have a continuum of care often have their own criteria for when it is appropriate to move someone to a higher level. I would contact the director of the bad guys, insisting on either a move or extra supervision where she is. I imagine they've done it many times before.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for your ongoing anxiety now about your mother.

I really wouldn't do anything right now. Your mother has just less than a week ago lost her husband of more than seventy years. This can't be the right moment to move her altogether, or to introduce strangers.

Do you know what caused the falls? - is she eating, was my first thought, especially if she has been spending all her time in your father's part of the facility.

What support is around to help her face her bereavement? Family, friends, chaplains or pastors at her ILF?

And speak to the directors at the facility, see what they advise. How long have your parents been residents at this place?