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onlyonethereis Asked March 2019

I am having a difficult time emotionally with my aging mother. Any advice?

My mother is living alone and independent however she has severe nerve pain in her back and leg and has a few epidurals as well as nerve burning to no avail. She had 3 "mini" strokes about 5 years ago and has a bit of aphasia though most people would not notice anything. Fortunately. However, I do. I had her take a dementia test at the hospital and she got a score of 28/30 which absolutely rules out any dementia. But, I notice she forgets a lot of short memory stuff and has difficulty getting the words to go with her thoughts, and talks more to people as well as talking through the conversation on the phone, like she doesn't always hear me, but this is difficult to explain. I get angry when she'll ask me something and she doesn't understand what I mean and we argue. I feel like crap and like I'm going to hell in a hand-basket. I don't know what to do. I see her as fragile but trying and going to therapy both physical and mental. But, she's changed. And, she gets mad at me a lot more. She accuses me of being angry, but she sounds angry with me almost all the time.

Shell38314 Mar 2019
My mother also having vascular dementia and pass the mini test and she was a lot like what you are expressing about your mom. My mother had vascular dementia for many years before she finally failed the mini test & got Dx with it.

It started with forgetting her words, personality changes, forgetfulness, not liking doing the things she ones did and she started to withdrawal. If you feel that your mom has dementia than you are probably right. Like someone stated "you know her better than anyone eles."

BarbBrooklyn Mar 2019
I want to endorse what Golden said. My mom, several years into Vascular Dementia scored wonderfully on those Mini mental exams. But she could no longer reason, sequence tasks or understand the implications of decisions.

Get your mom a real cognitive work up.

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golden23 Mar 2019
Hi Your mother may be at the beginning of dementia. Mine scored 28/30 but other tests showed vascular dementia. She had a full evaluation directed by a geriatric psychiatrist. It might be worth having your mum thoroughly evaluated. I am sorry she has that much pain. It must affect her too.

You know her better than anyone.so your observations of her decline are valid,

Try not to argue but accept that her brain capacity is likely compromised, Perhaps find a dementia support group to attend. They can be very helpful for family. Stick around here and read how others cope. Hopefully others with respond and give you other perspectives. Good luck.

MargaretMcKen Mar 2019
How old is your mother? Does she live with you, in her own home, or in a facility? It all makes a difference to any reply.

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