My 94 yr old dad hasn't been taken to a specialist for dementia. Sister has told me he has it. Should I believe her?

Thank u all for ur comments n answers. As me n mt sister its sisters n 2 brothers. I guess everyone wants a piece of wht is given to me. Idk but this is all a big conflict and i wish they all could just get along.for my parents sake. they dnt even bother asking how they r.for whn the day comes. I think im the only one thts going to b thr as i have been all these yrs. So sad tht its 11 of us plus their children n grandchildren which is quite a bunch are not going to b a their parent funeral. Cuz by the look of things none of thm seem to care. Ive tried sending messages n emails on parents health r what dr. Saus whn i take thm to c drs. N they dont answer but i get something new r make repairs to our parents house they want to knw how i paid dnt even notice how nice r how much better it looks.i try to make things more comfortable for both parents. All n all im doing a preety damn good job w hubbys help too. They just dnt knw how to appreciate. I guess

Spot on, Jeanne.

And anyway, Ng, when your parents' estate is as you say not going to be a big deal, is it really the will that you and your sister are arguing about, or is there some other burr in her bustle?

Thank you, Jeanne, for the comment. That was what I wanted to say, but then I realized that I would just be parroting you, not speaking from my own knowledge.

Having dementia does NOT prevent a person from making or changing a will. What is important is whether the person could understand what he was signing.

So all this discussion of who can make the diagnosis and whether it has to be in the person's medical record, etc. is not relevant.

Here is an article about this by AC's legal expert: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/elder-cant-sign-will-trust-power-of-attorney-153521.htm

The lawyer who helped with the will several years ago apparently was satisfied that Dad did understand what he was signing. I think your sister would have a very hard time contesting it.

As I understand it, you need to know whether your parents were legally competent to make their wills and give you their power of attorney five years ago. Ng, I have been trying to formulate some suggestions for you, and have realized that I really am not knowledgeable enough to do it. I'm sorry to have put you to the trouble of answering my questions.

Realtime, dnt knw exactly the date but it was like 15 or 20 yrs ago ive been caring for parents like 10 -15 yrs now. so whn she was the caregiver itwas way some yrs ago.

Grammyteacher wish all familys were like urs all my family wants is to hurt me r gossip abt me n my 3 adult children.n husband. Really i dnt knw wht it is tht they all want frm me. Idnt have much n wht my parents signed over is not much either they dont even care abt our parents last wishes they are rude n angry for no reason and at me i wish i could figure all this. if someone has an idea plz let me knw try not to stress as i have my parents to stress over with

Your sister could be a liar as well.

I cared for my mom through her Alzheimer's with little help from my siblings. Now that she is gone, we will equally share her estate. I feel that is the way it should be. We each had our joys and challenges in life but we all shared a mother, we will all share her estate. Being thoughtful and caring of all is a good place to be.

I was told a psychiatrist had to diagnose the patient, and a short admittance was required as well, for an official diagnosis of dementia. I’d think the GP would refer a patient suspected of dementia to a Geri Psych unit.

Maybe each state is different but that’s what we had to do for my mom. She was so good at acting normal she fooled a lot of people. But I thought, she won’t fool a psychiatrist!

You say that there's nothing on their records of any specialist diagnosing them with dementia. Is there anything on their records showing that their *primary care doctor* believes one or both of them had dementia? If so, *at what date* did he document that conclusion?

My sister was the caregiver for both my parents for five yrs. During those 5 yrs she says the doctrs told her both of thm had dementia my father being 84 and my mother being 79at tht time.my sister was caught doing some things wrong with their finances while she their caregiver. So my other 8 siblings told her nomore taking of my our parents so since i live right next door we all thght well i should take over their care 5 yrs later they made a will tht says im to b the only heir. Its not much but being the home we all grew up in. I guess they all think its my right too b their caregiver n thm not willing to help at all anyways my. Sister which was their caregiver bac thn is saying tht nothing is mine because they did tht will ohh n POW whn both my parents were diagnosed with dementia whn she was the caregiver butshe nvr told no one they were diagnosed til now tht she knws tht my parents have done a will. I did ask her why she nvever stold anyone of us as to us we never noticed any thing wrong w both my parents until 1yr ago we noticed dementia on my father as for my mother maybe early stages. and i said to her tht who had diagnosed thm both n she said their primary doctor but there is nothing on their records of any specialist diagnosing both of them. Is the will n POW valid or the diagonis frm a doctor k

Yes, and please use complete words and sentences. Thanks.

So, to be clear: You have been your parents' caregiver for ten years; your sister was their caregiver before you. Five years ago they made a will making you their only heir. Your sister claims that their primary care doctor told her that they had dementia when they were in her care --- over ten years ago --- so the will is invalid. There is no written diagnosis of dementia in their medical records. Do I have that right? It might be easier to answer you if you could clarify the timeline.

K older sister was his caregiver but since she was doing some things wrong w their finances n wht not she was cut off by 9 other siblings. So im the caregiver now for some 10 yrs now my father is subborn n thrs nothing wrong w him but old age n shingles tht he got 20 yrs ago r more so thrs no meds. Except for ibu 400mg every now n thn for aches n pains. My mother is 89 n is a diabetic II. n is taking 7 meds for hbp n incontinence SOME 5 YRS AGO they did the POW n a will whr it states they both of my parents will b giving me whtever is owned by thm which is no biggie. So now she says tht i cant hve anything tht was written on the will n the POW BECUZ THEY both were diagnosed with dementia whn she was their caregiver. I never read anything on his drs. Report nor my mothers. But she insists tht they were i knw now tht they r. well my father certainly. N my mother i think in the early stages. Now im confused is it dementia r old age.i take care of both my parents, yes it is a 24/7 job but my other 9 siblings dnt help either didnt ask for this job but since i live right next door i feel n they feel like thts my right. I dnt find it very diffcult to doin all this i think im having a harder time w my siblings thn iam w both my parents yes sometimes my father has his days but im k with tht also me n my husband hve grown very close to both of thm over this past 10 yrs lz some one help with all this

Maybe it's me, but if he lives with Older sister( and I don't know if he does) she is probably seeing things that point her in that direction. My mom pretty well hid my dad;s condition from us.. yes she made comments,, but laughed them off. We see this all the time on here.. no one believes the caregiver! If you want a definite diagnosis.. you may need a neurologist.. but really.. a lot of know the truth with out that. When my Mom ended up in the ICU and I had to rush home..I knew right away that Dad had a real problem.. the follow up at the Dr just confirmed what we already knew. MAybe your sister is correct.

My mom was never seen by any specialist concerning her dementia but I am 100% certain she has it, sometimes it is obvious and sometimes those closest to someone can see what an intermittent visitor can not.

Many elder people have some degree of dementia, and to the best of my knowledge,  the "diagnosis" is somewhat subjective. It's not a death sentence, and it does not mean they are incompetent to make decisions. It comes and goes. My sister and I have gone through this and what she meant was "he can't be trusted/believed", and therefore, if he told me something and I acted on it, it was invalid. My advice is to get smart on the facts of dementia, and to try as much as you can to work with your sister.

Why do you think your sister is lying to you? Does she have a reputation for doing that?

If you want our help, we need to have more details about what has gone on, (in whole words, please). We don’t need very personal details, but we need more than you've given us. A primary doctor could make a preliminary diagnoses but tests and a definitive diagnoses and treatment plan would probably need to come from a neurologist. 

I suppose a general physician could, if that primary doctor had the necessary experience with dementia but I would expect a Neurologist to be involved in a formal diagnosis. As I understand it there are specific tests that need to be done to determine what type or stage of dementia someone has.

Im askn if a primary doctor could diagnos him r would he have to go to a specialist

Not sure what your question is. Could you please use whole words instead of abbreviations? Thanks.

There is no way for us to know this; you'd need to check with either your sister if she was being serious, or get in touch with the primary doctor and ask them to confirm the diagnosis.