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anonymous262233 Asked March 2018

How to ease confusion - mysterious funeral??

I called Dad this morning, and he asked when I was coming to pick him up for the funeral??????? Ummmm.... no one has died. I asked him to remind me who's funeral it was, and he couldn't answer. I didn't want to press too much. I was also hoping he wasn't reliving someone else's funeral (my mother, his mother, my baby brother, etc.) --- Nevertheless, the ALF staff had helped him pick out a suit and he was dressed and fully ready to go. He gets so frustrated / discouraged when he realizes that something's not quite right with his brain. --- I kept trying to divert his attention to our breakfast date in the morning, but he kept asking when I was coming to pick him up. --- He really shouldn't be sitting around in his Sunday best. What should I do? I really wish the staff would have checked with me before going along with what Dad said. I think that made his confusion worse. --- I'm thinking Dad is getting a bit more confused because he's aware of his transfer to another facility. Now I regret asking him to help me pick things he wanted to take along (trying to get him involved). Maybe seeing those clothes triggered something? YIKES!

commutergirl Apr 2018
I agree with jeannegibbs... great response, but jjariz, "postponing" a funeral confuses me!!

anonymous262233 Apr 2018
jeannegibbs, great suggestion! i used it, and Dad took so much comfort in the prayer.

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jjariz Mar 2018
For this type of situation, I always fall back on the "They postponed it" and hope DH doesn't remember

jeannegibbs Mar 2018
"Dad, I just found out that the funeral is private, for immediate family members only. Let's go into the chapel and say a prayer."

??

anonymous262233 Mar 2018
Never thought of that igloo572. I'm hoping this will pass soon. He's been confused all day. Maybe a good night's sleep will help.

...and no one has had any incidents recently at the ALF. They normally try to put everyone in their rooms when they bring an ambulance in to keep the residents calm.

igloo572 Mar 2018
TinyBlu - you know it could also be that it’s Easter weekend. Lots of folks come to the NH & take mom/dad for the 60/72 hour maximum “outing” allowed by Medicaid. Dad hears snippets of conversation, sees folks moving about / packing so if their going then he’s going too. And this atop the plan to move him that he’s aware of yet confused about.

Plus Easter has all those death & resurrection visuals.

GardenArtist Mar 2018
Did someone in his current facility die? Or was there any event that might have brought an ambulance, or staff scurrying around if someone fell, or something similar going on that might have been interpreted as an emergency?

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